Dogma
by Golden Gypsy
Summary: With a hint from a demon, two fallen angels find a way to re-enter heaven, thus reversing God's decree and undoing all of existence. The task of stopping them falls upon an angel, the 13th apostle, 2 muses, and 2 prophets. But can they stop them in time?
1. Only One Thing To Do

Disclaimer: Roses are red, violets are blue, me no own, so you no sue.

AN: Alright everyone, this may be a bit confusing at first, but just keep reading and everything will make perfect sense, I PROMISE! 

And for those of you that have seen the movie Dogma, yes, this IS my newsies version of Dogma. But I tweeked some of the plot, so there's gonna be a couple little differences and one **major** difference.

Chapter One

*Only One Thing To Do*

The boy bit into his apple and chewed absentmindedly, watching new immigrants de-board from an incoming ship from his spot on a bench.

He smirked and rolled his eyes as he heard his friend try to convince a passing group of nuns that there was no such thing as god, or a true religion.

"The thing that amazes me most," the boy with the apple said to his friend as he sat down beside him, "Is that you **know** there's a god. I mean, you've been in his **presence**, and yet you **still** try to convince everyone that's he's not real.

"Eh," the boy said shrugging, "I just love to fuck with the clergy, it's too fun."

The two laughed and the one with the apple gazed intently at two immigrants in particular, whose faces were lit up with an almost unreal joy.

"So why do you **always **come here?" The boy without the apple asked.

"I like to watch," was the reply, "This here is humanity at it's best."

His friend gave him a skeptical look.

"No really!" The boy said defensively, "Look at 'em Spot! All that anger and tension and grief goes away for just one moment when they get off that boat."

Spot shook his head and laughed.

"See those two?" he asked, pointing to a couple that were embracing after one of them had gotten off the boat and ran to the one that was waiting on the docks.

"Yeah, what about 'em?"

"That girl cheated on him when he was gone on a trip to Europe."

A pair of eyebrows shot up considerably.

"Really?" 

"Yep, three times," Spot said matter-a-factly.

The eyebrows lowered into a furrowed display of skepticism.

"How do you know?"

"What kind a question is that, Jack?!" Spot asked, "You hit your head and forget the last millennia or something?"

"Shuddup," Jack said. 

A wistful expression swept over his visage and he sighed.

"But you see Spot, none of that stuff matters, 'cause in this **one **moment those two are so happy to be with each other that everything else just goes out the window."

Spot hacked and turned it into an innocent cough at Jack's glare. He pounded lightly at his chest before straightening and composing himself slightly.

"Now what was so fucking important that you had to drag me out here this early in the morning? 'Cause if it was to share in your half-assed obsession with 'special moments', I'm _going_ to have to kill you." 

Jack grinned and drew himself up to his full height, several inches above his companions.

"I'd like to see you try! Now, onto the important point of this meeting: We're going home."

Spot stared at him blankly.

He blinked once.

Twice.

"Spot, will you stop fucking staring at me! People are going to think I proposed or something, geez……….."

Spot shook his head, letting his hair fall loosely in his face.

"What did you say?" He asked carefully.

"You heard me!" 

A newspaper clipping from the New York World was produced from Jack's coat pocket and he held it in front of Spot's face.

"We're going home! Someone sent this to us in the mail, just read it."

The paper exchanged hands and Spot studied it careful.

He read the headline out loud, "'Cardinal Glick cuts ribbon to re-open Catholic Church.'" 

He gave Jack a sideways glance, "And………………….?"

Jack sighed exasperatedly, "You have to keep reading, you idiot!"

Spot glared at him, but he continued to read out loud, "Re-dedication ceremony…………..Papal consent………….." he looked back at Jack, "And…………..?"

"Give me that!" Jack said angrily, grabbing the paper out of Spot's hands.

Jack began reading a portion of the article out loud as he and Spot walked aimlessly down the streets of New York.

"The Re-dedication of Saint Michael's Church on its hundredth anniversary is the kickoff of a new campaign that seeks to bring the Catholic Church back into the mainstream." 

Jack paused rather dramatically, 

"With a papal sanction, the archway entrance to the century old house of worship will serve as a passageway of plenary indulgence, which – according to

Catholic beliefs - offers all who pass trough its arches a morally clean slate."

Jack laughed at Spot's blank expression.

"You still don't get it, do you Spot?" Jack asked.

"That would be a no…….." Spot answered slowly.

Jack began explaining carefully, "If you walk trough the church's front door on the day of the re-dedication ceremony, your soul is wiped clean of any and all existing sin, more so than the sacrament of penance could ever offer. It's a plenary indulgence, Spot! I don't know why I never thought of this before."

"So," Spot chewed his bottom lip thoughtfully, "Your saying that **all** I have to do is walk trough this archway and then I can go home?"

The smile slid off of Jack's face. 

"No…. See, by passing trough the doors our sins are forgiven. Then after that all we gotta do is die, an-"

An alarm went off in Spot's head and he stopped dead in his tracks, gesticulating wildly. 

"Wait, **wait**, what?!!! I don't want to die!!"

"Oh," Jack sneered sarcastically, "So you want to stay down here for a few more eons?!"

"No!" Spot said quickly.

A puff of frustrated breath blew out his lips.

"But we don't even know if we **can** die! And what if this whole 'archway' thing isn't real? What then, huh? Hell?"

He cried out. "Fuck that!!!"

"It works, Spot!" Jack said, "If we cut off our wings and go in to complete human form then we become mortal. And if we die with clean souls, there's no way t keep us out. They _have_ to let us back in!"

"Yeah, but Jack," Spot reasoned, "This plenary indulgence ting is church law, **not** divine mandate! And church laws are fallible because they were created by man!"

Jack smiled smugly.

"You're forgetting something there, Spot."

"Yeah? And what's that?"

Jack cleared his throat and, with the air of an important speech maker, said, "One of the last sacred promises imparted to Peter the first Pope by the son of god before he left was, 'Whatever you hold true on earth……...'"

Spot yelled out excitedly, cutting in.

"I will hold true in heaven!!" 

The two got several stares from nearby people on the street, and Spot glared at all of them until they averted their eyes.

"And so," Jack continued, "If the pope says it's so, god must adhere. It's dogmatic law!!"

Spot grinned, spitting in his hand and holding it out to Jack, "Let it never be said that your anal-retentive attention to detail never yielded positive results."

Jack spit in his hand and shook Spot's, saying, "Thanks……..sort of…."

The two began walking again, and a few moments of silence later Spot said, "'Ay Jack?"

"Yeah Spot?" Jack asked.

"There's just one thing I think I should do to get back on his good side before we leave."

"And that would be…………..?"

Spot pulled newspaper clipping out of his pocket and handed it to Jack.

Jack looked at the article skeptically, "What's this?"

"Look at it! It's all about these big rich people exploiting innocents."

"Yeah," Jack said, "So what?"

Spot slapped his forehead, "I want to hit them, you imbecile!"

"Are you CRAZY?!!" Jack yelled, stopping in the middle of the side walk, "We're days away from getting' back an' you want to go on a KILLING spree for the sake a the old days???!!! How the **fuck** would that get us back on his good side??!!!!"

"Jack, Jack, Jack," Spot said condescendingly, "We're not talking about some killing spree here, we're talking about **divine** justice! We're talking about punishing the wicked, raining down fire and brimstone! He's all about that kind of stuff. You **know** he'd want this done."

"'Sides," Spot continued, "What better way to show that I've repented than by resuming the position I denied……thanks to you, don't forget."

Jack sighed, "There hasn't been an angel of death since you retired, Spot, doesn't that mean anything to you? An' what if you're wrong?"

"Even **if** I'm wrong- and I'm not," Spot said, "It won't matter! We pass trough that archway and we're clean."

Spot rubbed his hands together in anticipation.

"So, where's this church that we're going to, anyway?"

"New Jersey," Jack replied, "We have to be there in four days."

"Last four days on Earth," Spot mused as he and Jack approached a nearby fruit vendor, "Well, only one ting to do."

"What's that?" Jack asked as Spot bought a peach.

"Kill people," Spot answered grinning.

AN: Please review! Anything is wonderful, especially any advice is really really welcome! A course, if you just wanna drop in and say you like the story (or hate it, lol) that's wonderful too……….course…..if you hate it……it might be nice to tell me WHY so I can fix it, ne? : ) Happy day to everyone!


	2. Stygian Three

Disclaimer: Roses are red, violets are blue, me no own, so you no sue.

AN: Hey peeps….blah blah blah, nuthin' ta say, THANKS MUCHO TO EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED!!!! Comments are at the end of the chapter!

Oh yeah! I wanna warn ALL dogma fans again, that there is gonna be a couple of MAJOR differences in this story! And there are some minor ones too, but most of those are cuz of the two different time periods………

Chapter Two

*Stygian Three*

An old man sat down on one of the swings in the park. He swung his feet back and forth like a small child, smiling innocently at a passing bird.

Closing his eyes, he savored the feel of the wind passing over his face.

The boy tried to stifle his laughter. 

__

This is too easy, he thought to himself, taking a puff on his cigar before dropping it on the ground.

He rolled up his sleeves and quietly approached the old man, raising a club high above his head.

The man heard the soft crunching of shoes on the ground, and his eyes popped open as he slowly turned his head.

**__**

Crash!

And the man's smile faded as everything went black.

Two more boys stepped up behind the third.

"Well, what the hell are you two staring at?!" Asked the first boy, "Fucking help me get dis carcass back ta Azrael!"

One of the boys helped hoist the body up while the other one pulled out a short knife, the blade of which had bright colors dancing across it, like the northern lights.

He made a slash through the air with the knife and a rip appeared where he had cut.

The three boys stepped through the tear, and it sealed itself back up as they disappeared into the darkness beyond. 

AN: Okay…..this chapter has a point…..oh stop laughing……I'm serious! This chapter is important! *pout* Anywho……come on, press the button, send me a little message!

Comments (yes, these often make my author notes longer than my story, but I always feel special when someone writes me a comment when I review for them so I always write everyone that reviews for me a comment!):

Mondie: Are you KIDDING me???!! of COURSE Mush is gonna be in this story!!!!! How could I NOT have him in this story??????!! Yes yes, Mush has a vonderful part in this story, brownie points for you if you can guess what it is before I write him in………..and yes matt damon is gorgeous………*drools*……….

Lonely Gamine: Scary? Yeah, sorta……..It used to be worse, TRUST me……….thank god for editing…….

Dice: Thanx! I TOTALLY luv newsies and dogma! They're my FAV. movies in da woild!

Jester: That's what you get for never seeing all of dogma! Lol, don't worry, it'll all make sense eventually.

Stella Puro-Sangue: Jack kill spot??? NEVER!!!!!!! *sniff* but spot CAN'T die!!! *sobs*…..*ahem*……don't worry………..okay well, worry a little………. : ) yes, that was cryptic, but I'm still working out the ending to this story, cuz I can't deal with sad endings……………..and so it's gonna be different from the ending in dogma, but I don't know HOW different I'm gonna end up making it. So just keep reading and find out!

Stress: Heya, glad u like it so much so far! Tanks foah da review! Never seen Dogma?? *gasp* j/k!!! go seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee it!!!!!

Tunes: Yah, I WUV dogma!

  
Blinks-Tiger: Really? The first time I even thought of the concept of this story I immediately thought loki=spot. Eh, mebbe it's just me? Yah, Loki's my fav. too!!!!!! Go us!!!!!!! : )……….. and I PROMISE that blink's gonna be in the story!!!!

Blake: IF YOU HATE IT THAT MUCH THEN DON'T READ IT!!! YEESH!!!! That's JUST what I need, blake, honest, people telling me I'm an idiot!! So thanx very much, I'll keep that in mind next time I think of writing something……..

JLove: Yeah, that's the one problem with crossovers…….well, that AND the fact that people are gonna kill me cuz I'm changing the story line……………oh well……I mean, what's the point of writing something that's EXACTLY the same as the movie, besides the characters?


	3. Already Dead

Disclaimer: Roses are red, violets are blue, me no own, so you no sue.

AN: Yes, I'm gonna say it again…. DOGMA FANS PLEAZ DON'T KILL ME WHEN YOU NOTICE THAT THE PLOT IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT IN SOME PLACES……..like this one….for instance…….

Chapter Three

*Already Dead*

__

What the HELL is going on??!! She thought frantically.

All she could remember was pain, red-hot searing pain, and then blackness. Now she was here, and she would be damned if she knew where **here** was.

Looking down at herself she was surprised to see that her clothes weren't torn anymore, and there was no blood anywhere.

__

Blood? What…………? Where'd it all go? There was so much……

She gulped and her hands fluttered to her throat. Nope, no knife mark there, not even a scratch.

And suddenly, she looked up.

"What the fuck is that……..?" She whispered to herself.

"Gates," a voice with a slight English accent said beside her, "THE gates, to be more precise."

She jumped, startled by the voice.

"Who're you?" She asked, turning and becoming confused as to why she couldn't see the owner of the voice.

"Behold Metatron, herald of the almighty and voice of the one true god," the voice said, becoming loud and dramatic.

The girl stared in surprise as a fireball appeared, then disappeared and in its place there was a middle-aged man in a nice suit.

"What are you?" She asked in bewilderment.

"Like I said," the man spoke, "I am the Metatron."

She gave him a blank stare.

The Metatron looked at her dumbfounded, saying, "Metatron. Don't tell me you've never heard of the Metatron!"

The girl shook her head slowly.

The Metatron sighed angrily, "You humans!" He grumbled, "If it's not in a flicker then it's not worth knowing, right?"

"I'm a seraphim," he said, hoping that would provide a bit more of an explanation, "The highest choir of angels? You **do** know what an angel is, don't you?"

She nodded slightly.

"Metatron acts as the voice of god. Any documented occasion where some nut claims to have spoken with god, they're speaking to me," he paused, "Or they're speaking to themselves," he added as an afterthought.

The girl cleared her throat, and asked in a small voice, "Why can't god speak for himself?"

"Ah. So glad you decided to join the conversation," Metatron said sarcastically, "To answer that - human beings have neither the oral nor the psychological capacity to withstand the awesome power of God's true voice. Were you to hear it, you're mind would cave in and your heart would explode within your chest. We went through five Adam's before we figured that one out."

"Are you going to kill me?" She squeaked.

Metatron rolled his eyes, "Now wouldn't that be interesting."

"Why?" Questioned the girl in a scared and confused voice.

Metatron stared at her for a moment out of disbelief before saying simply, "You're already dead."

AN: ooooooo…plot twist that's different from dogma……….don't hurt me please!!! Think of it this way: it'll be more interesting to read if it's not EXACTLY the same as dogma, since most of y'all have already seen it! Review pretty please! 

Comments:

Rayne: Eep! You've discovered my terrible secret….I don't KNOW who the prophets are gonna be yet! Lol……….I'm having trouble figuring out which original characters to keep and which ones to change………

Cards: Yay Review!! *huggles Cards*…..lol……..j/k…..yeah…..i'm pretty sure that spot's gonna live…….but I don't really know yet……..

Sully: Thanks!

Mondie: Yes yes, I'm VERY sure that's what you'd make Mush……..LOL…….and sorry, no brownie points this time around!!! Guess again!! Hee hee…….

Blinks-Tiger: Isn't it great when he says to the girl "But you didn't say god bless you when I sneezed!!!!"? wahahahaha! Sorry…..i WUV that part…….dunno who blink's gonna be yet, sorry!!!


	4. Worse

Disclaimer: Roses are red, violets are blue, me no own, so you no sue.

AN: Alright, if y'all hadn't noticed, I'm trying to write longer chapters here, so I hope you all like these better than my normal ½ page ones!! Lol, now watch this….the next chapter's gonna be a short one…….*cough* but it's longer than half a page, I swear!!

Chapter Four

*Worse*

"What?" She whispered, her voice barely audible.

It was one of those moments where your heart's beating so loud you're sure that they can hear it a mile away. Only one problem………..She didn't have a heart beat………

Metatron sighed in annoyance. Here it comes. The waterworks. Must they ALL go into hysterics?

"Dead. You're dead. Can I make it anymore clear?" Metatron asked in a bored tone.

She shook her head in disbelief.

"Alright then, follow me."

They approached the gates, and off to the side of them stood an ancient looking man with an impressively large book.

"Name," the man said without even looking up.

She stared at him for a moment until Metatron nudged her in the side and she cleared her throat before saying, "Tori Caladron."

The old man flipped open the book and scanned up and down a page. He pointed to a spot on the page and nodded in a satisfactory way.

Then he nodded to Metatron and went back to perusing through the books many pages.

"What just happened?" Tori asked Metatron.

"Just making sure that you're on the list, that's all," Metatron explained.

"And if I wasn't?"

Metatron coughed slightly, "Take a wild guess," he said, glancing not-so-subtly to the ground.

Tori gulped.

"Anyway," Metatron said, "You are, so now it's time to get down to business."

"Wait a sec, what?" Tara asked, holding up her hands, "I'm on the list! Now aren't the gates supposed to open and let me in?!"

"No," said Metatron matter-a-factly, "A new angel must earn his or her wings."

Tori gaped at him, dumbfounded.

"Excuse me?" She squeaked.

"And you've been called for a particularly lovely mission," Metatron said cheerfully.

"Called how? How called?" Tori rambled senselessly.

"All that from two words," Metatron snorted, "Color this angel impressed."

"How do I know that you're **really** an angel?" Tori asked angrily, crossing her arms over her chest.

"What, you mean besides the fiery entrance, golden gates, St. Peter over here," Metatron jerked his thumb in the old man's direction, "And the expansive wingspan?" He spread his wings wide as if to prove his point.

"Fine," Metatron said after a moment of silence, "You want more proof? How about tequila?"

Before Tori had a chance to ask what the heck that was supposed to mean, Metatron had snapped her fingers and they were seated in a small Hispanic looking restaurant.

"Where the hell are we?" Tori exclaimed.

"The only place to go for a good tequila," Metatron said casually, and, upon seeing a waiter he said, "Waiter! Dos tequilas por favor, and an empty glass!"

"Si," the waiter responded as he scurried off to get Metatron's order.

"We're in **Mexico**???!!!" Tori hissed at him.

Metatron answered after the waiter brought the drinks, "California. But it was still an impressive trick."

"You don't mind that I lost the wings, do you?" Metatron asked, "I'm trying to keep our profile low."

"This is the weirdest dream I've ever had……." Tori mumbled, hitting her forehead.

"Do you know how insulting it is to converse with a person and have them insist that you're a dream?" Metatron asked sarcastically, "If I had an ego, it'd be bruised."

"So what is this 'mission' that I've been charged with?" Tori asked a moment later.

"All you have to do is go to New Jersey and visit a small church on a very important day. Agreed?" 

Metatron took a sip of the tequila and spit it into the empty glass.

"That doesn't sound like an important mission………" Tori said skeptically.

"Well, aside from the fine print, that's it," Metatron said, before drinking more tequila and spitting it out again.

"What's the fine print?" Tori asked, quirking an eyebrow at him.

"Stopacoupleofangelsfromenteringachurchthusnegatingallexistence," mumbled Metatron, "Damn this is good tequila."

Tori raised her eyebrows at him, "Wait! Repeat that!!"

"Damn this is good tequila?" Metatron asked stupidly, in an effort to avoid the topic.

"No," Tori said angrily, "The first part!"

"Details," Metatron said while waving his hand in a dismissive manner, "Stop a couple of angels from entering the church thus negating all existence. God, I hate it when people need it spelled out for them."

"I'm still confused," Tori groaned, letting her head fall onto her arms, which were resting on the table.

"Alright," Metatron said, "You want the whole secret origin? Here goes: Back in the old days, God was vengeful and hot-tempered, and his wrath was born by the Angel of Death - name of Spot. When Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed? That was Spot. When the waters wiped out everything with the exception of Noah and his menagerie? That was Spot. And he was good at what he did. But one day, he refused to bear God's wrath any longer."

"Why?" Asked Tori curiously.

Metatron sighed, "Because he listened to his friend- a Grigori by the name of Jack."

"Grigori?" Tori asked, shaking her head.

__

This is too confusing!!!!! She thought to herself.

"Not it's not," Metatron snapped.

She stared at him in amazement.

"What?! Don't think so loud!" Metatron exclaimed, "Anyway, Grigori is another choir of angels. They're also called watchers. Guess what they do?"

Tori glared at him.

"So, back to the subject, one day Spot is wiping out the first born of Egypt and-"

"Ah, the tenth plague," Tori said knowledgeably.

"See?!" Metatron said, throwing his hands in the air, "Tell people you're the Metatron and they stare blankly; Mention something they learned in pre-school and suddenly everyone's a theology scholar. May I continue uninterrupted?" 

"Yes," Tori spoke through her teeth. 

"So," Metatron started, "Once he's done with the first born, Spot takes his friend Jack out for a post-slaughter drink. And over many rounds, they get into this discussion about whether or not murder in the name of God is okay. 

"Now, Jack can run circles around Spot intellectually, not to mention the fact that Spot's more than half in the bag, and in the end, Jack convinces Spot to quit his position and take a lesser one - one that doesn't involve slaughter. So - very inebriated – Spot tells God he quits: throws down his fiery sword, gives him the finger - which ruins it for the rest of us- because from that day forward, God decreed that angels could no longer imbibe alcohol. Hence all the spitting," Metatron gestured to the two glasses in front of him.

"Sounds reasonable," Tori said, shrugging.

Metatron glared at her, "Maybe to you, but I'm a lush by nature."

"I meant about the angel of death's resignation," explained Tori, rolling her eyes at him.

"For a liberal, yes, but this is the Angel of Death we're talking about. The Angel of

Death can't be a conscientious objector. The Angel of Death is charged with meeting out whatever justice God demands. So for their insolence, God decreed that neither Spot nor Jack would ever be allowed back into Paradise."

"Were they sent to hell?" Tori asked in a small whisper.

"Worse," Metatron said, taking yet another sip of tequila and spitting it out moments later, "New York."

AN: Aw, don't you just all love me now………….Lol………I'm sorry, but I like this chapter!! Metatron is just TOO funny and sarcastic!! Neway, for all u guys still waiting for your appearance to be made, have faith in me! it'll come as soon as I begin connecting all the characters and the really neat plot development stuff happens….. Alrighty y'all, comments of all kinds welcome here, so leave a review please!

Comments: 

Blink's-Tiger: K, I kinda decided to can the whole "last scion" deal from Dogma and replace that character's role with a different person, hope you don't hate me for it!!!

Rayne: Yeah, I'm kinda wondering who all the characters are gonna be too………Lol, *cough*……Eh, I think I've got them all figured out……..emphasis on "think"……well, since I'm adding more characters in I dunno if there's really gonna be a "main" girl character, but we'll see….

Lisa: hey, glad you like it so much!!!

Cards: ack! Don't pass out on me now!! Lol…….

Mondie: I wouldn't speak to me either if I did that……….do NOT worry!! Plus, I couldn't make poor widdle 'ole you end up with the shit-demon, now could IIII??? I'm not quite THAT terrible……..*hack*…….

Jlove: THANK YOU!! At least SOMEBODY understands my reasoning for changing the story line!!!!!! YAY!!!!!

Tunes: I'm not quite sure who to cast as the apostle…….But I think I know who I'm gonna put there………Newayz, keep reading this and you'll find out eventually!!


	5. Sun, Sun, Go Away

Disclaimer: Roses are red, violets are blue, me no own, so you no sue.

AN: Yes…this is just another one of my chapters that isn't from dogma, yay! Go me!! Lol…….have fun!

Chapter Five

*Sun, Sun, Go Away*

Gypsy took a swig out of her bottle of whiskey before throwing it on the ground, smirking as she watched it shatter into a million pieces.

The shards caught the light and reflected a rainbow onto the nearby brick wall of a building.

She sighed angrily and looked up at sky, glaring at it with all the enmity she could muster.

"Let's go," a girl said, coming up behind Gypsy, "We gotta make sure that they don't stop them."

"Yeah," Gypsy said, casting her gaze away from the mocking clouds, "But we don't even know how much **they**," she spat the word and shifted her eyes uneasily upward, "Know yet."

"You kidding me?" Her friend laughed, throwing her head back so she was staring at the sky, "They don't miss much up there."

Gypsy chuckled, "Guess not, huh?"

"You're probably right," began Gypsy, "I mean, just leave it up to those two idiots to fuck everything up."

"C'mon, I'm starved," the girl said, grinning as she ran her tongue over two protruding fangs.

"Gotta wait till nightfall, Jester," Gypsy reminded her, throwing her arms across her shoulders as they walked down the street together.

Jester sang softly under her breath, "Sun, sun, go away………"

AN: Sorry…but I LOVE the title and the little song in this chapter……Eh, little kiddie songs can be used to sound really creepy, but they're more entertaining that way….*cough*………….*ahem*…….Review please!!!!!

Comments:

Dice: Thanx!!

Cards: Ack! Don't pass out on me now!!

Stress: yeah…..poor widdle tori…..*sniff*….lol…..

Jlove: Yeah, I have that happen every time I read his lines too!

Mondie: yup, I DID get your email!! Yay!! This is gonna be sooooooooo much fun!

Blinks-Tiger: Yes yes, gotta luv the Metatron……..


	6. Angels On Our Asses

Disclaimer: Roses are red, violets are blue, me no own, so you no sue.

AN: Yeah, don't kill me here, but I decided to change Azrael's outfit……Sorry everybody!!! Hee hee….i wuv this chapter! It's me and Jester just like normal…….okay okay, 'cept in real life we're human………*cough*…..'course, I'm only speaking for myself here…….*snickers*…….

Chapter Six

*Angels On Our Asses*

"Night doesn't come fast enough," Jester remarked to Gypsy, as they both sat smoking a cigarette on a bench in Central Park, watching the sun sink slowly behind the horizon.

"No kidding….." Gypsy grumbled as her stomach growled loudly in complaint.

"K, there's one……" Jester said, pointing at a star in the sky.

"Two….." Said Gypsy a few moments later as another one appeared.

"….And three…….." Jester finished happily, "Now we can go."

"We're pathetic, you know that, right?" Gypsy asked jokingly, letting her head fall on her arms, which were resting on her knees.

"Yeah, s'ok," Jester said, patting her on the back and standing up, "Let's go before no one's even out anymore!"

"Anyway," Jester continued, "What's-………Wait a sec….Gypsy?"

Jester looked around her in annoyance.

She put her hands on her hip, "Okay Gyps, where the **hell** did you go?!"

A small black cat meowed beside her.

Jester jumped in surprise.

Glaring at the cat, she said, "Don't DO that to me! You're so annoying…."

She crossed her arms over her chest and looked away while the cat slowly morphed back into Gypsy.

"Aw, c'mon Jester, I was just kidding! Yeesh!…….You're just mad 'cause you can't do that……..stupid vampire you are……" Gypsy muttered.

"Yeah, well at least I'm not a **halfling**……..and I'm not speaking to you," Jester said, refusing to look at her.

"Ya just did!" Gypsy retorted, sticking her tongue out at Jester.

Jester glared at her before smacking her upside the head.

"Well **somebody's** pissy," a guy's voice said sarcastically.

Jester and Gypsy whirled around to see a young man in a black hat and black pinstripe suit leaning against the trunk of a tree.

"Azrael," Jester hissed underneath her breath.

"The one and only," Azrael said smirking, lifting his chin up so he could look them both in the face.

Gypsy narrowed her eyes at him, "Whaddya want?! We're kinda **busy** ya know!"

"Ever the complainer……" Azrael laughed.

"Shuddup," Gypsy growled at him.

"Oh I'm soooooo scared!…." Said Azrael, mocking her.

"Just wanted you to know that everything's in place. They're so distracted up there by the whole ordeal that unless we do anything flashy and completely out of the ordinary, the won't notice us before it's too late," Azrael explained.

"Yeah, let's hope," Jester mumbled.

"Hey!" Azrael said in mock-offense, "Have a little faith, will ya? I also wanted to remind you two that you can't do anything to be noticed, k? The **last** thing I need to deal with right now is angels on our asses."

"Fine, fine, fine," Jester said, dismissing it with a wave of her hand, "Can we go now?"

Azrael sighed in annoyance, "Don't you understand **anything** you two??!! What I mean is, NO FEEDING!"

"Yeah whatever," Jester said walking off, she stopped, "Wait a sec…. WHAT??!!!"

"You heard me!" Azrael said angrily, "You think they won't notice a rash of dead people with two holes in their necks?! You gotta be kidding me! They're **always** looking for vampires and demons to send to hell!"

"And what are we supposed to do, **starve** to death?" Gypsy practically yelled at him.

"Here," Azrael said, pulling something out of his pocket, "Have an apple."

He tossed it to Gypsy, who caught it, staring at it blankly.

Azrael walked off whistling a bright tune with his hands stuck in his pockets.

Gypsy smirked as an idea occurred to her. She tossed the apple into the air before catching it again, winding her arm back, and throwing it as hard as she could.

**__**

SMACK!!!!

Azrael's hand flew to the back of his head.

"OWWWWWW!!!!!!" He screamed.

When he whirled around to reprimand the two girls they were nowhere to be seen, but he thought he heard a faint laughing in the shadows.

AN: I'm sooooooo infinitely entertained by this chapter…….lol, god, if I had a dime for every time I said that…………Anyvay, review por favor!

Comments:

Mondie: *gasp* Are you okay???!!!!!!!! You poor thing, that must have SUCKED!!!!! Yeah, and isn't Loki the god of destruction or something like that? Lol, it was funny, I called my friend that because he chased this one person around the field with scissors *cough* don't ask *cough* and then we allllllll decided that we were greek gods….It t'was muy fun………….

Stripes: Hey hun!! Glad you like it so far! Well, actually, I got the whole metatron and azrael thing from the movie Dogma, but yeah, the knife with the color-changing blade was "inspired" by Philip Pullman's books.


	7. The Twit, The Whiner, And The Misunderst...

Disclaimer: Roses are red, violets are blue, me no own, so you no sue.

AN: Hey all!!! How's it goin? Good good……*giggle*…..don't mind me……..*cough*….

Chapter Seven

*The Twit, The Whiner, And The Misunderstood Demon*

"How long will they have to be in New York," Tori asked, leaning her head on one of her hands, with her elbow propped up on the table.

"The entire span of human history," Metatron replied, "And after the world ends they'll have to sit outside the gates for eternity."

"I'm still confused about how all this works…….." Tori muttered.

"Someone clued them in to a loophole in catholic dogma that would allow them to re-enter heaven," Metatron explained slowly.

Tori shrugged, "So what? They beat the system, good for them."

Metatron sighed angrily, "It's not that simple!"

Tori motioned for him to continue.

"If they get in, they will have reversed god's decree."

"And……..?" Tori cut in.

"Let me finish, you impatient twit!" Metatron exclaimed.

Tori hmphed, and Metatron started where he had left off.

"Now listen up because this part is very important: existence in all it's form and splendor functions solely on one principle: God is infallible. Got all that?"

"Yes," Tori replied curtly.

"Okay," Metatron said, "To prove God wrong would undo reality and everything that is. Up would become down, black would become white, existence would become nothingness. In essence- if they are allowed to enter that church, they'll unmake the world."

"And these guys are that bitter?"

"No, they're just stupid," Metatron grumbled.

"What?"

"They have no idea what their actions will result in! As far as they know, they're just going home. Now isn't that sweet?" Asked Metatron sarcastically.

"No……" Mumbled Tori.

"Anyway, I best get you back to where you may began your little 'quest'," Metatron said, standing up.

"**What??!!**" Tori practically yelled, "You expect me, little old me, to stop two angels, by MYSELF??!!!"

"No," Metatron stated, "You'll have help."

"From who?" Tori asked suspiciously.

"Two prophets, although they don't quite know it yet. You'll know them right away. The one who speaks the most, and he will, at great lengths, whether you want him to or not, will make mention of himself as a prophet."

"And the other one?"

Metatron shrugged, "He…..won't speak quite so much."

Metatron nodded to himself, and in the blink of an eye they were both nowhere to be seen.

* * * * *

"Fuck this……." Jester grumbled.

"I'm huuuuuungryyyyy……" Whined Gypsy.

"Shuddup."

"I'm huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuungryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy…….." Gypsy groaned a bit louder.

"I said, SHUT UP!" Jester yelled.

* * * * *

"Alright," Azrael began, looking over the three boys and the unconscious body they had with them, "That's perfect, now just leave it outside that hospital over here," Azrael pointed to a location on a map, "And everything will be fine."

The boy who had clubbed the man first nodded to one of the other boys, saying, "Dutchy?"

"Oh yeah, sorry about that, Race," Dutchy mumbled, taking a knife out of his pocket.

He slashed the air with it and the boys walked threw the rip that appeared, dragging the old man behind them.

"Erinyes!" Azrael yelled loudly.

Three girls with sharp claw-like nails and dark brown wings approached him.

"Yes?" Asked the closest of the three, her voice coming out as a bird-like shriek.

"Do you know what you're job is?"

"Of course!" A different one chirped.

"Then WHAT are you still doing here?!" Azrael shouted.

The one who spoke glared at him, her blue eyes taunting him.

Azrael took a step forward threateningly.

She rolled her eyes at him before flying off with the two other girls in a flurry of feathers and screams of delight in newfound freedom.

A large three-headed dog padded up beside Azrael, staring at the three girls as they flew higher and higher.

Azrael glanced down at the dog.

"Oh Cerberus, Cerberus," Azrael said condescendingly, "You're the only one who understands me……"

He patted Cerberus on the top of his nearest head, this action being met with a loud, low growl and a baring of sharp canine teeth.

Azrael snapped his hand back, "Guess not………" 

AN: Oh Cerberus, Cerberus………*laughs*…….i LUV that doggy!!! Review por favor!!!

Comments:

Cards: …………….BREATHE GIRL!

Falco: WOOHOO!!! Somebody got mad at blake for me!! I WUV you!! Oh yah, btw, Blake left you a couple little messages, you should go look, they're funny….*pause*…….AND I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH HIS BROTHER!!!!!!!! *growl*……..

Mondie: YOU MIGHT GET TO SEE RENT??!!! I HAT YOU!! (yes, I DID mean to type "hat"…it's a long story…..don't ask…..lol…)j/k!! I wuuuuuuuuv uuuu!! Loki isn't a god? Damn…..well, shows the extent of my knowledge on norse mythology….Neway, I promise you'll be in this at some point!!! Eh heh……Just not this chapter yet, sawy!!

Tiger: Yes yes, Jester liked her little vampire part too………

Jester: Oh hush you….I'm terribly sorry that you're having such trouble finding a (and I quote!) cute guy in a pinstripe suit who happens to be a demon that HASN'T been hit in the head with an apple by your best friend………hee hee!!!

YesYouKnowWho: You are truly, and totally insane……GUESS WHAT?!!!! I'm gonna go watch ya'll in West Side Story this Sunday!!!! Be happy!!!! And I'm gonna see brannman there and I'm gonna make him introduce me to his wife!!!! *evil laughter*….. But his younger daughter is so adorable!!

Stef: …………………………………………………………………………………. You, my friend, are beyond all medical, psychological, and spiritual mental help……. But we all love you because of it!!!!! Anywayz, that's SOOOO great that your battle cry is Meep!!! I luv meep!!! It's so meepy!!!! Tee hee…….*cough*…….


	8. Darkness, Saviors, And Guns

Disclaimer: Roses are red, violets are blue, me no own, so you sue.

AN: HA! It's a loooooooooooooooong chapter!! And you all thought I couldn't do it……come on……I KNOW that's what you were thinking…….well……okay…..so it's long compared to my other ones…….eh heh…..

Chapter Eight

*Darkness, Saviors, And Guns*

"OH SHIT….." Jester mumbled under her breath.

"What?" Gypsy piped up from her place on the couch they had managed to obtain for their tiny apartment.

"Damn you and your freakishly good hearing," Jester cursed.

"Gotta love it!" Gypsy replied brightly, "Anyway, what's wrong now?"

"I can't find the bottle with the potion Azrael gave us……."

"What potion?" Gypsy asked absentmindedly, flipping through an old looking leather-bound book.

"The one that lets us walk in sunlight without being turned to ash," Jester said so quickly that many people would think she only said one word.

"What about it?"

"I lost it…."

"**What?**"

"You heard me……" Jester mumbled quietly.

Gypsy stood abruptly. The book went sailing past Jester's head and slammed into the wall behind it.

"WHAT???!!!! You LOST it??? YOU JUST FUCKING LOST IT?????????!!!!!!!!!"

Jester fidgeted.

"Looks like it……"

Gypsy collapsed backwards on to the couch, flopping her arm over her eyes.

"Well shit," she said with a mild amount of humor in her voice, "There goes our fun in the sun."

"What are we gonna do?!" Jester asked in a panicked voice.

Gypsy rubbed her temples, grimacing.

"Ask Azrael for more?" She suggested.

"Ooooooooooohhhhhhh no. NOT happening. I am NOT asking Azrael for more," Jester said angrily.

Jumping to her feet Gypsy let out a frustrated scream.

"Fine! Then I'LL ask him, even if I have to beg. My god, ANYTHING would be better than having to hide around in the dark again."

"No! You ARE NOT ASKING AZRAEL FOR HELP!!!!!" Jester shrieked at the top of her lungs.

Gypsy flung her arms wide.

"Why the hell not?!"

"He can't even get us more!" Jester said exasperatedly.

Standing there dumbly Gypsy's mouth gaped open ever so slightly.

"Why?"

"Do you know how damn near impossible it was for him to get that stuff in the first place?! It practically doesn't exist ANYWHERE!!!"

Gypsy's eyebrow twitched upwards and her hands clenched at her sides.

"What are we going to do then?!"

"Not go in the sun?" Jester said.

"Oh brilliant, just fucking BRILLIANT," Gypsy replied with all the sarcasm she could manage.

"There's nothing else TO do," Jester reminded her.

Gypsy smiled wryly at her friend, and with all the good humor she could muster at the moment, said, "I hope you realize, this is going to play hell with my tan."

* * * * *

Tori sat on a park bench in the waning sunlight, swinging her feet and attempting to pretend for one moment that she wasn't on a quest to save the universe.

__

This is so ludicrous……Tori thought to herself.

Here she was, alone, in the middle of Central Park, in the dark, with no place to go, and not even a bed to sleep in.

A tapping noise began, and after a few moments Tori looked around for the source of this beat.

She could barely make out a figure in a tree about ten yards away.

The figure jumped down, and two others walked up behind it. All three slowly began walking towards her at an even pace.

Tori's breath caught in her throat, and she shook her head, telling herself that she had nothing to worry about.

But when the three shadows continued their walk Tori panicked and jumped up from the bench, beginning to quickly walk away.

She could hear their pace increase, and she in turn increased hers, breaking into a run a few moments later.

Upon hearing the pounding of three pairs of feet on the ground behind her she knew that they were racing to catch her.

She made the mistake of looking behind her and her foot caught on an uneven place in the ground, sending her careening to the pavement.

She put out her arms to break her fall, and she cried out as her skin scrapped along the hard ground.

Just as the three figures were about to reach her, and Tori was instinctively covering her face, two figures appeared out of the gloom and jumped over her, right into her attackers.

Moments later Tori removed her hands from her face in time to see her two protectors yelling profanities at the retreating shadows.

"GO BACK TO YOUR MOMMIES, YOU PUNK FUCKS!!!!" Yelled one of the figures, who Tori could now see was a blond boy with an eye patch.

"Ha!" The other figure, a well-built boy with curly hair, said, "We kicked their fucking asses!"

The two boys then proceeded to do some sort of weird hand shake, which entailed spitting in their own hand and then shaking that of the other boys.

Tori stared at them wide eyed.

"Thank you?" She squeaked.

They looked at her, as if noticing her for the first time.

"Who are you?" She asked quietly.

"I'm Blink," the blond boy said, "And this is Mush."

Mush waved to her and grinned. He offered her his hand and helped her to stand back up on her feet.

"Oh my god, I can't thank you two enough!" Tori started, "What can I do to repay you?"

"Say you'll offer us sex as a reward," Blink said, a cheesy grin plastered onto his face.

"What?…." Tori asked sarcastically, placing her hand on her hips.

She shook her head at them and laughed slightly, walking away.

"Thanks again," she called over her shoulder.

"How about that shit?" Blink asked Mush angrily, "We just saved her ass, and now she's gonna go take off? Fuck this. No one takes me seriously! When I become a prophet, everyone's going to listen to me."

Mush rolled his eyes and the two began to walk off.

Tori froze the instant she heard Blink's words.

__

Prophet? She thought, _You've got to be kidding me……_

"Hey!" Tori yelled out, "Wait up!"

Blink and Mush turned around as Tori ran up to them.

"Sorry," she said, "Would you-…..um….." Tori mumbled under her breath, "I can't believe I'm doing this……" She looked Blink straight in the eye, "Would you like to have a drink with me?" 

Blink grinned widely, punching Mush in the arm.

"See?!" He said, "I told you if we hung around this place long enough we'd get laid!"

* * * * *

The salesman in the gun shop looked over his two customers carefully. There was something…….different about them, although he couldn't figure out what.

He shook his head and picked up a gun, handing it to one of the young men, saying, "Now this piece is nice. It's not lightweight, but one look at it and nobody - I mean nobody – is going to fuck with you. Try it on."

"Well," the young man said, "What do you think, Jack?"

Jack turned and looked over the gun, "Dunno, Spot," he replied.

Spot hefted the gun from one hand to the other, commenting, "Well, it's a hell of a lot more compact than a flaming sword, I'll give it that much."

The salesman raised his eyebrows curiously.

Jack shrugged, "It's the weapon of choice these days."

Spot sighed, "It seems unimpressive. At least the sword looked intimidating. How can I strike fear into the hearts of the wicked with this?"

"Oh I get it," the salesman said, "You want to become a vigilante or something?"

Spot and Jack ignored him, still looking at the gun critically.

"I don't know….." Spot said, "It just feels so impersonal."

"Den don't use a gun. Just lay the place to waste like Sodom and Gomorrah. Now that was something," Jack replied.

Spot snorted, "Yeah, for you maybe. You got to stand there and read! I had to do all the work."

"What work?" Jack retorted, "You lit a few fires!"

"Hey!" Spot said angrily, "I rained down fire and sulfur. There's a subtle difference."

"Sure," Jack said sarcastically.

"Are you kidding me?!" Spot practically yelled, "Any moron with a pack of matches can start a fire! Raining down sulfur takes a huge level of endurance. Mass genocide is practically the most exhausting activity one can engage in!"

The salesman stared at the two in disbelief. _These idiots are insane!_ He thought to himself.

Jack glared at him as he thought that, and the salesman suppressed a feeling of fear that Jack could read his thoughts.

Spot lay the gun on the counter in front of the salesman.

"I'll take this one."

AN: Alright, alright, you're all going to hate me for this, but I won't be able to update again soon! Sawy, but I'm gonna be in Portland until Sunday!!! I'm visiting my bro at college tho, so it'll be fun…… Anywayz, I hope y'all like the chapter!!! And as always, review is ya luuuuuuuuuuuuuuv me! Or just review anyway, either way works for me! J Talk to all of you laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaater!! *Sniff* I'm gonna miss you guys!! *sobs*

Comments:

Tiger: Eep!! I'm so sorry! I know, I've been a terrible updater type person…..yeah……..

Mondie: Yayness! I feel loved!…..Aw, I'm sure your pics will come out fine! They can't be any worse than MY school pics…..*cough*…. J 

FictionHobbit: But Azrael's so cool!! I'm sorry that made you saaaaaaaad!!

Cards: Dear lord, take some sedatives!!!! Lol, juuuuuuuuuust kidding!!

Ali: Yes yes, the whole "I'm hungry" bit sounds just like us……it's kind of pathetic, no? Thanx again so much for the insanely great support!!! I wuuuuuuuuuuv you!


	9. The Hunters, The Hunted, And The Serious...

Disclaimer: Roses are red, violets are blue, me no own, so you no sue.

AN: Yes, I know, I haven't updated in a long time, but for once I have a valid excuse! I was given a rather irritating ultimatum by my mother. See, I'm supposed to audition for a play, and I was soooooooo happy about it, and I've been telling everyone about it for weeks and weeks and weeks, and then suddenly my mother tells me that I can't audition! I asked her why, and she said that I have to have a 4.0 by the time I audition….. SOOOO, I have somewhere between a 3.5 and a 3.8 right now, and I'm workin' my ass off to get my grades up by the audition…..BUT THE AUDITION IS ON DECEMBER NINTH! AGH! In short, my updating is gonna be really, REALLY flaky. Sorry again, guys!!

Chapter 9

*The Hunters, The Hunted, And The Seriously Annoyed*

"Anything?" A man asked his companion as they walked side by side along the sidewalk.

"Nope," the other man replied, "I don't know Auron, what makes you think they'd be around here?"

Auron furrowed his brow, saying, "I've just got a weird feeling about this place…"

Shards of glass in a side street reflected the sunlight and caught his eye.

"Adarr," Auron said, nudging his friend, "Check in there," he pointed the alleyway.

Adarr pulled a string with a smooth object hanging on the end of it out of his pocket. Said object, a milky white stone, slowly swung back and forth, its color beginning to change.

First its surface faded to pink, then shifted into a darker, then darker still blood red. The stone ceased its pendulum-like movement and the two men looked it over carefully.

"What do you think?" Adarr asked, handing the stone over to Auron.

"Less than two days, that's for sure."

Adarr nodded sagely.

"What do _you_ think?" Auron asked, tossing the stone to Adarr.

"More than one," Adarr said, throwing the stone up and catching it again, "Two….There were two of them."

"Two vampires," Auron mused as Adarr pulled a wooden staked from his pocket.

Adarr twirled the stake on his finger, "Nothing we can't handle."

* * * * *

"Are you both from around here?" Tori asked the two guys seated across from her.

They were in a small bar, seated at an even smaller table, and Tori was having a hell of a time keeping her legs out of the way of Blink's roaming foot.

"I'm hard as hell," Blink said, tapping his foot somewhere around a thousand beats per second on the floor.

Tori visibly ignored his comment and once again attempt to make conversation, "Do you live in the city?"

"Do you have a friend for Mush?" Blink started, "Or are you going to do us both? If so, I'm first. I hate sloppy seconds."

"You're a man of principal," Tori said sarcastically, "Where do you come from?"

"We used to live in a small town in Jersey, real small town. We practically knew everybody," Blink replied.

"Do you live here now?" Tori asked.

"Fuck that," Blink said angrily, "This place sucks. Everyone talks with a stupid accent so you don't know what they're saying. In the winter it's too fucking cold, and in the summer it's too fucking hot! We were talking about taking off. Until we met you, that is."

Blink reached over and kissed Tori's hand, which she quickly retracted, grimacing slightly.

"So how long are you staying here?"

"Until you're ready to skip out and make with the sex," Blink said, leaning back in his chair and placing his hands behind his head.

Tori shook her head, "No, I mean, how long are you staying in New York?" 

"We're leaving tomorrow."

Mush nodded knowingly. Tori glanced at him and wondered if he was ever going to say anything.

"Where are you going next?" Tori asked curiously.

Blink looked at Mush, "Jesus this broad asks a lot of questions!" 

Mush nodded again.

Continuing, Blink said, "Back to Jersey."

"I see…"

"So," Blink said casually, "Do you do anal?"

"I didn't ask you out for sex!" She exclaimed.

"I'll take head," Blink replied.

Tori groaned and let her head slam onto her arm, which was resting on the table.

"I don't know why, but…" Tori lifted her head from her arm so her words weren't garbled, "I want to go with you."

"What, like steady? You want to be my girlfriend?" Blink shrugged at Mush, "Alright, but Mush has to live with us and you pay the rent."

"No, I want to go with you to Jersey," Tori clarified.

"Really?" Blink asked, surprised, "You're the only chick I ever met that wanted to go to Jersey. Most chicks try to get out."

Tori smiled, "When can we leave?"

"Wait a second!" Blink practically yelled, "What is this shit?! Are we going to fuck or not?!"

"You're going to lead me somewhere…"

"Me lead you?" Blink looked at her weirdly, "Lady, I don't even know where I am half the time. If we're not going to fuck then what the hell did you ask me out for?"

Tori sighed, "Someone told me I was going to meet you, and you'd take me where I was supposed to go. I didn't believe it until you said that thing in the parking lot."

"What the hell are you babbling about?!" Blink asked frustratedly, "All I know is we saved your ass from some angry fucking dwarfs and you promised us sex…" 

Blink looked over to Mush for confirmation, "Didn't this crazy bitch promise us sex?"

Mush nodded matter-a-factly.

Blink spoke to Tori, "And now you're telling me that I'm supposed to take you somewhere, and you don't even know where it is?!"

Tori paused thoughtfully and chewed her lip. 

She looked at Blink in an undecided manner, "Do you believe in God?"

Blink regarded her for a moment before gasping in horror, "Holy shit - you're a Jehovah's Witness! All the fine women in this city, and we gotta get the one Jesus freak!

"Let's go Mush," Blink said.

"No, wait!" Tori said suddenly, grabbing onto Blink's sleeve.

"I'll scream rape," Blink threatened.

Tori quickly let go of his sleeve, "I can pay you."

Blink's mind clicked at the word "pay" and he sat back down in an instant.

He licked his lips slightly, as if preparing himself for the word, "Pay?"

"For being my guide," Tori explained, "You were going to leave anyway; all I'm asking is to tag along and see where it leads. I'll pay a you a nice sum of money and all expenses."

"Sex?" Blink asked hopefully.

Mush rolled his eyes and muttered something to the effect of, "You're so hopeless."

Tori looked at him in surprise. _He finally said something!_

"No sex," Tori replied firmly.

"Alright, but let's say we're caught in a situation where we've got like five minutes to live, like a bomb or something is gonna go off - would you fuck us then?"

Tori looked at Blink, who sat waiting expectantly for an answer.

"In that unlikely situation?" Tori thought for a moment, "Yeah sure," she shrugged.

"Yeah?" Blink nodded his head and smiled widely, "What do you think?" He asked Mush.

Mush looked at Blink, then at Tori, then back at Blink.

"Why not?" He said nonchalantly.

"Alright," Blink said standing up, "But I still get firsts."

Tori glanced at the ceiling and silently mouthed the words, "Why me?!"

* * * * *

Jester hugged her arms around her as a cold wind blew about her.

"Aw, don't tell me that the little vampy-wampy is cold!" Gypsy taunted.

"If you ever, EVER call me that again I swear that I will claw your vocal chords out," Jester snapped irritably.

Gypsy shrugged and skipped around Jester in circles, purposefully humming very off-key.

"You really are the most annoying person to ever live, you know that, right?" Jester asked.

Gypsy stopped dead in the middle of the sidewalk.

"Oh don't tell me you're offended," Jester said laughed sarcastically, "You haven't been offended by anything I've called you for the past century!"

"Shut up!" Gypsy hissed quietly.

"Well, you don't have to take it so personally," Jester retorted.

"SHHHHHHHHH!"

Gypsy turned and placed her hand over Jester's mouth as the latter began to say something again.

Jester looked at her questioningly and pushed her away.

"What was that for?" She whispered angrily.

Gypsy placed a finger to her lips, signing for her to be quiet. She tossed her head in the direction of a small space between two buildings.

The two girls silently padded into the space and sat on their haunches, listening for something that only one of them had heard.

Jester poked Gypsy impatiently, saying, "What's going on?"

"Hunters," Gypsy mouthed. 

She pointed her finger in the direction they were coming from.

"Come out, come out, wherever you are!" A man sang loudly as he danced down the sidewalk.

Jester covered her mouth to stifle a giggle as the man came into view, looking visibly drunk.

"They aren't like dogs, Adarr, you complete idiot," Auron reminded his friend.

"Pity," Adarr replied, "It would make this a hell of a lot easier."

"Who says it's not easy?" Auron asked.

"Well," Adarr said seriously, though his words were slurred from his excessive alcohol consumption, "Don't you ever think about what you're actually doing when you kill one of them?"

"What's that supposed to mean," question Auron in a gruff voice.

"I mean, you're ending a life," Adarr added as an after-though, "An intelligent life! Like a real person! Who's to say that we have that right?"

Gypsy and Jester raised their eyebrows simultaneously.

"You going daft on me boy?" Auron laughed, "They're monsters, no people! They feed off the blood of innocents! And you question whether or not we have the right to end their existence?!"

Jester frowned darkly and Gypsy pouted in a comic manner. 

Adarr considered this, but then asked, "But what if one was to only feed on those that are already damned to hell?"

"They won't," Auron said simply.

"Why not?"

Auron smiled grimly, "The blood of innocents tastes better."

AN: Dun dun dun…….comments are tres bien everyone!

Comments (Happy thanksgiving everyone!):

FictionHobbit: Glad you like that casting! I thought they fit pretty well. Oh, and yayness that you're not quite as disturbed by the whole Racetrack and Dutchy thing. : )

Mondie: Frightened for America?! HA! Try frightened for human existence as we know it……..Argh, my brother is such a butt, in fact, he's here right now! Well, not here here, but he's in the vicinity, aka my house……….and he's being a jerk! Grrrrrrrrrr……oh well, pooy on him! I wuv u too! And you'll be in eventually I swear…….lol………..Oh, btw, Kimi told me to thank you for suggesting she read my story, so thanks bunches!

Cards: Bagels are the best, no?

Tiger: Yeah, that's a funny part in the movie.

Melika: Yay, glad you like the story!

Falco: Yah, I hafta go watch that movie again!

Ali: HAHA! Look who managed to update!! *hears mother's voice and hides meekly under her desk, pretending to study math*

Stef: …………………………………….hoooooooooooooooooooooooly shit, girl………………………………………………..you have WAY TOO MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS!!! Lol……..but I luv you!!! Smoochies!!! Kidding…..

Lisa: Yayness! Another person that likes my casting!

Kimimay85: Glad you like it so far!


	10. The Hunter's Heart

Disclaimer: Roses are red, violets are blue, me no own, so you no sue.

AN: Yeah, I know, and I'm sorry, just like always when I can't update very soon. It's been hectic around here and I just got back from 10 days in Orlando. If anyone actually paid attention to my rambling about my GPA and stuff lemme just fill y'all in. I did get my GPA up to a 4.0, but I did not, however, get cast in the play. Which is alright, considering there were 40 people at call backs and the director could only cast 17. Neway, hope you all had a very nice Christmas or any other holiday you celebrate.

Chapter Ten

*The Hunter's Heart*

The door slammed shut behind Jester and Gypsy as they rushed into their apartment.

"Who the HELL were they?" Jester hissed angrily at Gypsy.

"I have no idea!" Gypsy answered shrilly, "Hunters! That's all I know!"

Jester growled loudly and stomped over to her bag on the couch. She pulled out a small stone and threw it roughly on the floor.

The stone exploded into a cloud of dust as Jester screamed, "AZRAEL!!!!!!!!!!"

Gypsy flinched at the volume of Jester's voice, rubbing her ears after her friend had finished.

"Owchies……" Gypsy whined under her breath.

Azrael appeared, coughing, in the middle of the dust, looking incredibly peeved.

"What the hell do you want in the middle of the night?!" Azrael yelled at Jester.

Jester stared at him incredulously before embarking on a loud and mocking tirade, "Oh don't worry about a thing, you said! Help me and you'll be let into heaven, you said! WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAY NEW YORK HAS A COUPLE OF RESIDENT DEMON HUNTERS??????!!!!!!!!"

Azrael gaped at her for a minute, "When did you run into demon hunters?" He asked quietly.

Gypsy, taking over for Jester who seemed to busy fuming, answered, "About ten minutes ago. I heard them coming, so we ducked into a space between a couple of buildings. We saw them pass, there were two of them. We came straight here afterwards."

"Wow," Jester snorted, "That's the most coherent chain of sentences you've put together in centuries."

"Yeah, well, we're still waiting for yours," Gypsy replied irritably.

"How did you know they were hunters?" Azrael asked, ignoring the two as the continued to bicker.

"You know those stones that can tell you if a member of one of the demonic races has been in the vicinity?"

"Yeah…."

Gypsy sighed, "Well, those stones emit a certain sort of smell because of all substances used to make them. I could smell that on these two guys."

Jester managed to collect herself enough to speak, "For once I'm actually happy about all your damn magnified senses."

Rolling her eyes, Gypsy replied, "I'm just gonna take that as a compliment….."

"Anyway," Jester said accusingly, "What do you expect us to do now? This just makes everything one thousand times harder!"

"Not to mention you lost the potio-" Gypsy clapped her hand over her mouth with a horrified expression as she realized what she said.

"Lost what?" Azrael asked pointedly.

"Nothing," Jester answered quickly.

"Oh give it up!" Azrael sneered, "Like that was believable in ANY way shape or form!"

Jester glared at Gypsy, "You are SO dead."

Gypsy grinned sheepishly and scratched the back of her head while staring pointedly at her feet.

Azrael's eyes widened suddenly as he came to understand what Gypsy had said.

"You lost that potion I gave you?" He questioned with bated breath, "You actually lost it….?"

Jester and Gypsy waited for him to continue.

Azrael's fists clenched at his sides as his jaw tightened. He slowly lifted his head and looked Jester in the eye, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU'VE DONE???!!!!!!!!" He screamed, "DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT HAPPENS IF A MORTAL GETS A HOLD OF THAT POTION???!!!!!!"

Gypsy bit her lip and looked at the ground, visibly shaking a little.

"Oh don't tell me that I made the great demoness cry?" Azrael mocked.

Gypsy shook harder and a slight noise erupted from her throat…..But Azrael could swear on his life that it wasn't from crying….

Finally, not able to contain herself any longer, Gypsy burst into laughter, clutching her sides and attempting to stay upright.

Jester and Azrael stared at her as if she had sprouted wings and a halo while and was singing "Hallelujah" over and over again.

"What is wrong with her?" Azrael whispered to Jester, who just shook her head in disbelief.

"You!" Gypsy managed, pointing at Azrael, "You have no idea-" she gasped for air, "How funny you look," she paused and took a deep breath, "When you're angry!!!!"

She drew herself up and made a face, bulging her eyes out in a mock-representation of what Azael looked like when he had yelled.

Azrael stared at her in disgust.

"You're an absolute idiot!" He mused, "You really are truly fucked up!"

"At least I don't look like a deformed frog when I yell!" Gypsy laughed.

"Get out!!" Azrael yelled, pointing at the door, "I can't deal with you in the room!"

"Yes master, of course," Gypsy replied sarcastically.

She bowed dramatically before morphing into a cat and jumping out the window onto the fire escape, leaping down it effortlessly.

Jester tried not to laugh at her friend's incredible oddness and asked, "So what does happen to a mortal if they get that potion?"

Azrael looked troubled, "Well…."

* * * * *

Gypsy, back in her human form, walked aimlessly around the street. Her stomach growled and she poked it mercilessly, commanding, "Shut up!"

It growled again and she sighed angrily.

__

One person can't possibly hurt…She reasoned with herself.

She kept this inner battle of whether or not to feed going for a good twenty minutes or so, before her keen hearing picked up the sounds of a very different sort of battle.

She stepped lightly and padded along silently until she could see a man and a woman struggling against the brick wall of a large office building.

"Aw, c'mon…." The man whispered seductively, pushing the woman against the wall and trying to kiss her.

"I **said** let me go!" The woman hissed, attempting to shove the man away from her.

The fight continued as Gypsy walked closer and closer to the couple.

Gypsy tapped the man on the shoulder, and as he turned around, looking as if he were ready to kill her, she punched him square in the nose, sending him reeling back onto the sidewalk, where he lay, unconscious.

The woman looked at Gypsy in a mixture of awe and gratitude, babbling, "Oh thank you, how can I ever thank you enough! How can I-"

"Go to sleep," Gypsy whispered, quickly and forcefully pressing her knuckle into a soft point on the woman's neck.

The woman's eyes rolled back into her head as her knees gave way underneath her and she crumpled to the ground, not dead, but not awake.

Glancing back and forth between the woman and man, Gypsy mentally debated on which one to choose. The man was larger, but the woman was obviously an innocent whereas the man was definitely not.

Something stirred in the pit of her stomach as she looked at the woman again. _She looks sort of like Jester……_Gypsy thought to herself as she subconsciously chewed on her bottom lip, still not being able to make a clear decision.

The feeling in her insides grew, and she mentally pushed them away, growling slightly as if it would help. She sighed angrily and turned to the man.

Glaring at his still form Gypsy lifted him up by his collar, shoving him against the building.

She bared her fangs and sunk them into the vein that snaked along the pale white flesh of his neck, finding immense satisfaction in the blood that came forth.

She let him drop moments later, after completely draining him and becoming incredibly full.

"Oi!" She said, poking her stomach, "I'm gonna be siiiiiiiiiiiiiick…"

Wiping off the remaining blood on her lips, Gypsy continued her walk down the street, wondering what Jester and the ever-annoyed Azrael were discussing.

* * * * *

"So basically," Jester said, "You're saying that if a mortal drinks that potion, it will give them the strength of an immortal…"

"Right, and depending on how much they drink, it could have permanent effects," Azrael pointed out.

Jester shrugged, "So what's the big deal?"

"Most mortals have no idea whatsoever that anything beyond 'human' exists," Azrael explained, "If one were to find out and be able to prove to others that this is true……well…….It would NOT be a pretty site…"

"Ah, the whole mass chaos, God gets pissy and has to destroy everything and start all over deal, right?"

"Exactly…"

"So what do we do?" Jester asked curiously.

"Gee, now don't I just WISH that I knew the answer to that brilliant question," Azrael said sarcastically.

"Great…." Jester said, sitting down on the couch with her arms folded across her chest.

"Yep," Azrael replied, also sitting down on the couch and making himself comfortable, "So only one thing really to do now."

"And what would that be?"

"Small talk!" Azrael said, ignoring the completely blank stare Jester was giving him, "So how's the weather been up here?"

* * * * *

Gypsy hummed a tune quietly and watched the ground as she walked, as if there was something incredibly intriguing about a dirty sidewalk.

She bumped into someone, and quickly muttered an apology before continuing on her path.

When she was a few feet away from the man she had run into, she stopped dead in her tracks as the identity of the person dawned on her.

Her eyes widened in horror and she kept walking, trying to look as nonchalant as possible while her pace steadily increased.

Adarr paused. Who was that girl that had walked into him? There was something not quite right about her…..

"What is it Adarr?" Auron asked his companion, who was staring after Gypsy's retreating form.

"I dunno….."

Auron looked contemplative for a moment before he jumped slightly after reaching into his pocket.

"What?" Adarr asked curiously.

"The stone…" Auron said, pulling it out of his pocket, "It's burning up."

"Let me see," Adarr said, taking the stone, which was, in fact, turning into the deepest shade of red it could manage without looking black.

"That girl…." Adarr said quietly.

"Let's go," Auron said not needing Adarr to finish the sentence.

He traced his fingers along the smooth wood of the stake in his coat pocket, quickly walking after Gypsy. Adarr jogged a few steps to catch up with him before falling into step beside him.

Gypsy heard their change in direction and again increased her pace. The squeaking of their shoes on the pavement sent chills up her spine and numbed her insides until she was devoid of all feeling except the anxiety that beat against her stomach.

__

I wish Jester was here…She thought silently, _She always knows what to do!_

"Hey!" Adarr called out to Gypsy, who kept walking "Hey! Stop for a second, I just want to ask you something!"

Auron looked at Adarr incredulously, "Oh wonderful Adarr," he said, "That didn't sound the least bit suspicious!"

Adarr glared at him before yelling, "I think you might have dropped something miss! Miss!!!"

Gypsy bit her lip and stopped, thinking that maybe she could outsmart them somehow, because she sure as hell wasn't going to outrun them after gorging herself that much.

"Yes?" She asked Adarr innocently.

Adarr looked taken aback for a moment…… _She looks like she's sixteen!!_ He thought to himself, and he had to admit there was something sensual about the innocent-act when he knew that she was not.

"I….um…..I-uh-" Adarr stammered.

Auron rolled his eyes at his stuttering companion, and, pulling a cross hung from a string out of his pocket, said, "I believe you dropped this, is it yours?"

He held the cross out for her to take it and she eyed it warily.

"It's not mine," Gypsy answered simply, "But thank you anyway."

Auron, not one to give up easily at all, replied, "Are you sure? I could have sworn that you dropped it. Here, take a look at it, tell me if it's yours."

Auron grabbed her hand and, before she could react, dropped the cross into it. Gypsy flinched in pain and instantly let the cross drop to the ground.

Hiding her wounded hand, Gypsy quickly recovered and said, "Oh, I'm so sorry! Here, let me get that for you."

She knelt to the ground and picked up the cross by the string, careful to not let the cross itself touch her skin.

Handing it back to Auron, she said, "No, it's not mine."

Auron took it and placed it back in his pocket, producing a stake, which he tossed to Adarr, in its place.

"Yeah," he laughed sardonically, "Wouldn't expect a vampire to have a cross now would you?"

He grabbed Gypsy as she turned to run and held her up against the nearest building.

"Adarr," Auron commanded, "Kill her."

The words registered in Adarr's brain but the action he wanted his body to perform did not seem to be happening.

Auron, using his full strength to keep the struggling Gypsy pinned, was unable to complete the task himself.

"Adarr!" Auron growled, "What are you waiting for?!"

Adarr ignored Auron and instead stared intently at Gypsy, whose breath was caught in her throat and whose expression betrayed an incredible feeling of……fear?

"Adarr….." Auron said again, urging him to get on with it already.

But Adarr stood fixated by the eyes that pleaded with him to not end their life. With the stake half raised, Adarr remained paralyzed by his inability to wield the power in his hand.

__

Evil can't know fear……

He lowered the stake as Auron stared at him, dumbfounded. Auron began to say something again but Adarr couldn't hear him, so amazed was he by the change in Gypsy's look of fear to one of slight confusion but also of complete gratitude.

As Auron gaped at Adarr, Gypsy quickly transformed into a cat and ran away as fast as that form would allow.

AN: Probably one of my more odd chapters, but I'll be damned if I didn't have fun writing it. Oh! By the way! The Erinyes have a part in the next chapter, and muses, I'm sorry, but you two are still further down in the story! 

Comments (Merry late Christmas everyone!! And happy late late late and later still Hannuka!! And happy Kwanzaa!! Tho I admit I don't know when Kwanzaa was…)

Fiction Hobbit: I'll just take that as a sign that you like it……

Ali: I updated!! Yayness and hoorayness for Gypsy!!! Wahoo! Neway, if you're wonderin' about the audition stuff, just look at the author note this chappy starts out with….I wuv you toooooo!

Tiger: Didja get my email with the doll of all us girls in Dogma? I hope you did! Eh, just go look and tell me whatcha think of it, k? Turkey leftovers……*shudder*

Mondie: Crayon soup??? CRAYON SOUP??!!! Poor widdle Mushy needs to find the ingredients to crayons…….Lol, I luffle you too!

Falco: Waffles? Did I hear waffles?? I wanna have some waffles!!!!!!!!!!

Cards: Nifty doodles…….L.O.L…….

Jester: When did you die? AND WHY DIDN'T YOU STAY DEAD???? *cough* I mean…..uh…..gee, Jester, I missed you sooooooooo bad….. J I wuv uuuu!

Skittles: Yeah, I made the Auron and Adarr thingy up….Meeples and bits!! I'm SOOOOOO sorry but I already have the muse's part filled up and so I can't put you in as her!!!! I really wish I could put everyone in that asks, but I just can't and I'm really really sorry!!!!! I wuv you too (even tho I don't know you, lol)!!!!

Broadway: Yah, I thought they both fit the parts well, but I just couldn't bear to not have Mush talk so Silent Bob is a little……um…….unsilent?


	11. What's An Apostle?

Disclaimer: Roses are red, violets are blue, me no own, so you no sue.

Current Musing From Gypsy: I LIKE CHAI TEA! *sips tea*

AN: GUESS WHAT?! I GOT INTO A MUSICAL!!! WEEEEEEE! I'm excited because it's one of my FAVORITES! It's…..*drumroll please* INTO THE WOODS!!!!! Ah, that musical is just too incredibly awesome. And I'm Little Red Riding Hood and she's my favorite character in this musical! Woooooo!

Chapter Eleven

*What's An Apostle?*

"SKYLAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"What?!" Skylar snapped irritably.

"What's wrong with this picture?" Beth asked with her hands on her hips.

Skylar looked around, "What?! What the hell are you two talking about?!!"

Cards buried her face in her hands, mumbling incoherently.

"Wait a sec…" Skylar began, looking at her surroundings from her seat on a bench, " Everybody's staring at me!! Why are they all staring at me??!!!"

A few pedestrians quickly shuffled away, as Skylar sent them a barrage of fierce glares.

Cards groaned and grumbled something about 'wings'.

Skylar's eyes opened widely. She twisted her head so she was looking over her shoulder at two large dark brown wings.

"Oops……" she muttered, "Eh heh…..I meant to do that…."

The wings slowly retracted into her back until she looked exactly like a normal person.   


Unfortunately for the trio, this trick only seemed to attract more attention.

Cards quickly jumped up, saying to onlookers, "Isn't she great folks? Come on, give the girl a hand!"

Cards began clapping, trying to make it seem as if the whole wing-bit had been part of some magic act.

Beth began laughing uncontrollably as Cards only succeeded in scaring people more. But when Cards turned back to glare at her, Beth quickly changed her laughter into innocent coughing.

"Next time," Skylar began, "Don't try to help……please……."

"Oh shut up," Cards said, sitting back down while Beth began to pace in front of the bench.

"Okay," Beth said, "Objective number one: -"

"Find the stupid angel," Skylar cut in.

Cards nodded in confirmation.

Beth continued unfazed by the interruption, "Number two-"

"Stop the angel from stopping Spot and Jack from entering the church," all three girls recited together.

"So how do we find this angel?" Cards asked.

Beth shrugged, "We're in New York City, and we're looking for a purely innocent and good entity….She should stick out like a sore thumb! How hard could it be?"

The girls began to wade their way through the crowds gathered about on the street.

Cards snickered, then said, mocking Beth, "How hard could it be?….."

* * * * *

Tori, Blink, and Mush walked silently down a dusty road in the waning sunlight. Tori's jaw was set in a tight line of rigid determination, and the coldness of her gaze was enough to make both boys shiver involuntarily.

Blink nudged Mush and whispered in his ear, "She's pissed Mush, she'll never fuck us now. Well, maybe you, but definitely not me."

Blink paused and let his eyes skim up and down Tori's form.

"Tell me how she is," he said to Mush conspiratorially.

"Nobody is fucking me!" Tori growled menacingly, "You got that?!"

"At least not here," Blink commented agreeably.

Tori sighed angrily and stopped.

"Look," she said, "I'm sorry I dragged you to that bar. I don't know what I was thinking. But I'm just going to go to New Jersey myself, alright?"

"You're breaking up with us?" Blink asked hurriedly, with a twinge of regret and annoyance in his voice.

Tori rolled her eyes, "Sorry for the inconvenience," she said simply, "See you around."

Walking off towards what she hoped was New Jersey, Tori drug her feet along the ground and coughed slightly as dust arose and billowed about her face.

Blink stamped his foot on the ground, yelling after Tori, "Who the hell do you think you are, lady? You can't go around breaking people's hearts like that! We fell in love with you! Guys like us don't just fall out of the sky, you know!"

Tori turned around to reply with a stinging comment, when, as if on cue, a naked, dark-skinned man fell out of the sky and landed flat on his face.

"What the hell?" Tori muttered.

She ran over to the man, her pounding footsteps creating the obnoxious dust clouds that swirled around her being and engulfed her in tiny cough-enducing particles.

Mush walked up behind Blink, who looked down at the man, then up at the sky, yelling, "A beautiful, naked woman doesn't just fall from the sky, you know?!"

He searched the sky hopefully while Mush shook his head silently at his friend. Mush clapped Blink on the back sympathetically and crouched down near Tori, who was checking the man for a pulse.

Blink shrugged, "It was worth a try," he grumbled.

Rolling the man over Tori visibly looked away from his bare lower half, and instead lay her head on his chest, listening for a heart beat.

"He doesn't have a pulse," Tori confirmed.

"Do you think he fell from that cloud?" Blink asked, pointing up.

Mush looked up to where Blink was indicating.

"There's no cloud, man," Mush pointed out.

"What the hell are you talking about?!" Blink asked angrily, "Yes there is!"

Mush shook his head disparagingly and gestured to the cloudless sky.

"There was a cloud there!!!!" Blink yelled.

Mush laughed slightly, and Blink turned as red as a beet.

"STOP LAUGHING AT ME!!!!!!" 

"Blink!!!" Tori yelled, "There would have been more of a mess if he'd fallen from that high!"

"Not necessarily," the man on the ground said, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

Tori, Mush, and Blink leapt back with a look of horror on their faces.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" Blink shrieked, "KILL IT!!! KILL IT!!!!!"

The man looked at the trio in front of him, "That sounds familiar," he said.

"Jesus, are you okay?" Tori asked, a look of concern flitting across her face.

"Rufus," the man corrected, "And yes, I'm fine."

"He's the fucking undead!" Blink yelled, stepping back into a fighting stance, "Cut his head off!!"

Offering her hand, Tori helped the man up, noting that he was quite a bit taller than her.

"What the hell are you three doing in the middle of a road at this hour?" Rufus asked.

"Mind your own fucking business!" Blink stuttered with a brave expression plastered over his face but not his panicked eyes.

"Listen, goldie-locks," Rufus growled at Blink, "What I just did was not easy and it gave me a fucking migraine. Now if you don't pipe down, I'm going to rip your balls off."

Blink ran around Mush and hid behind him, poking his head over Mush's shoulder so he could say, "I knew it! The mother fucker wants to eat my brain!"

"I think he was aiming a bit further south," Tori countered sarcastically.

Turning to Rufus she said, "Speaking of which, you're awfully nude – Rufus, is it?"

"Rufus it is, miss," he replied with a tip of his head, covered in short curly brown hair.

"Hey," Rufus nodded to Mush, "How's about lending a brother your coat 'till I can find my own clothes?"

Blink stared incredulously at Mush.

"Mush, he fell out of thin air!" Blink said hoarsley.

Rufus flashed a cheesy smile in Mush's direction and he relented, taking off his coat and handing it to the naked man.

"MUSH!" Blink cried, "His dick is gonna be rubbing all over the inside of your coat!!"

"I'll do my best to tuck it back," Rufus said reassuringly.

Mush nodded, but his expression darkened as something rather odd caught his eye. He walked a couple of feet away to some nearby shrubbery to investigate while the others continued talking.

"So where exactly did you fall from?" Tori asked curiously.

"Some might say grace," Rufus replied, his rather cryptic answer eliciting a confused expression from both Tori and Blink.

"Mush, he's talking about your mom," Blink informed his friend, who was still peering into the bushes.

"You know," Tori began, "Normally I'd have a hard time with this, but somehow you falling out of the sky seems to go hand in glove with some of the other stuff I've been dealing with."

"Believe me," Rufus said solemnly, "You ain't seen nothing yet."

Mush leaned in closer to the bush as it began to shake slightly. 

Suddenly, a young man leapt out of the bush and hurtled himself at Mush, pinning him to the ground with a club.

Two other guys jumped out of the bushes and headed straight for Tori and Blink. Tori ducked down as one of them jumped on top of her.

Luckily for Tori, Rufus grabbed her attacker and flung him roughly to the side. Blink, for lack of a better idea, pulled a newspaper out of his coat, rolled it up, and started beating the boy closest to him over the head with it.

Mush pushed up as hard as he could on the club and it swung back, hitting its holder square in the forehead. Rushing to Blink's side, Mush plied the guy away from his friend by the neck, throwing him over to where his two friends were.

One of the boys pulled out an odd looking knife and cut through the air, quickly jumping through the hole that was created. The two remaining guys followed, and the hole quickly closed behind them.

"Alright," Blink said angrily, "What the hell is with you, lady?! That's the SECOND time you got attacked by the fucking daycare runaways!"

"Man, they're onto you bad, already. I got here just in time," Rufus stated knowledgeably, wiping his hands off on the coat.

"How can you be so composed?!" Tori cried hoarsely, "We were almost killed!"

"Death is a worry of the living," Rufus stated nonchalantly, "The dead only worry about decay and necrophiliacs."

Tori shuddered involuntarily.

"See!" Blink yelled triumphantly, pointing at Rufus, "I told you he was the undead!"

"Not the undead," Rufus clarified, "The dead. I died. Christ told me the secret to resurrection once when we were at a wedding in Canna, but I got drunk and forgot it."

Tori stared at Rufus incredulously as he began to walk in the direction she had been taking before.

"Wait. Wait, wait-you knew Christ?" Tori asked incredulously.

Rufus stopped and faced her, "Knew him?" Rufus chuckled slightly, "I saw him naked."

Tori groaned, "Let me guess," she said dully, "You're another angel?"

"No, I'm a man. Just like you and him," Rufus gestured to Blink, thought about what he had said, then corrected, "Well, maybe not like him."

"At least I was a man," Rufus continued, "Been dead for nearly two thousand years. Here," Rufus passed Tori a small scrap of paper that had been rolled up behind his ear.

Tori unrolled it and looked at it while a confused expression flitted across her features.

"I can't read this," she said finally, passing the paper back to Rufus.

Nodding slightly Rufus explained, "It's Aramaic. It says 'Rufus - see you in two

years, Jesus.' Freaked me out because he basically told me when my number was up. Took the flavor out of the remaining years."

After glancing about for a moment Rufus added, "Look, we gotta keep moving. If we stay in one place long enough, those things are liable to come back. What say we continue this discussion over something to eat?"

Tori inhaled a deep breath of air, trying to convince herself that she was not slowly going insane.

"Wait a second," Tori said, on the brink of having a total mental breakdown, "I'm a rational woman, okay? All I want to know is where you, and those…." She searched to find a word to describe her attackers, "….Kids came from."  


"The came from hell," Rufus said simply, "I came from heaven."

As he began to walk again he motioned for them to follow, saying "Let's start walking."

Blink stared after him in annoyance.

"Why can't we just hang out here for the night! I don't feel like walking anymore!" Blink whined loudly.

Rufus laughed, "Back in the old days with J.C. we walked everywhere. Did you ever hear of a fat apostle?"

While Rufus continued walking Blink pondered this for a minute or two. Tori looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to come with them.

Blink stared thoughtfully at the ground while tapping his foot, and Tori soon gave up, continuing after Rufus.

Finally, Blink looked up and called, "Hey!"

"What?" Tori yelled back to him.

"What's an apostle?!"

AN: Yeah yeah, I've been flaky with updating as always. But what can I say? I'm sorry I'm such a lazy ass and I'll do my best to update whenever I can. I wuffle you all SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much, even if ya don't review, but it would be nice if ya could!!!!

Comments:

Chronicles Bailey: I'm well aware of that, but if you haven't noticed I've decided to not follow the script word for word. Also I have been trying to change some of the words so they fit more appropriately with this time period.

Blackfire: LOL! I was watching it on Comedy Central too! Oh, that's just too great. I'm so glad that you like my story!!! Heee!

Mondie: You crack me up…..and no worries, little ole me ain't from Miami. Ha, you think me and jester never fight?! *snickers* God, you have NO idea how close to real life that chapter was……meep, in fact, we just argued, and I don't even know if she's speaking to me anymore! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!! *runs off to bake Jester cookies* You'll be in soon, I swear!!!!!! I'm thinking the chapter after next….*nods* yup yup yup!

Vioshine: YAY! Thank god, someone agrees with my changing the script! *dances about happily* Adarr/Gypsy romance? *shifty eyes* I have no idea what you're talking about……*whistles innocently*

Ali: I think that "holy shit you're a vampire but a sexily vulnerable vampire so I won't stake you" IS adorable!!! *cough* *hack* sorta, kinda, not, errrrrrr……AWWWWWW, I WUV YOU TOOOO! *sobs*

Tiger: Wahoo! Glad you like that thing I made for y'all!


	12. Here's Where We Are

Disclaimer: Roses are red, violets are blue, me no own, so you no sue.

AN: Can you believe it? It's really me. It's really really really me. I updated. I did! Look at it! And I revamped the entire story in one night! It took me a while, but I did it! I don't know if the changes will show up at first, but they're there, I swear…….so have fun! Enjoy it! Oh! And guess what? Dogma is playing right now on Comedy Central….I turned on the t.v. and just started laughing…..I think my brother thinks I've gone insane……ah well……Comments to everyone are at the end!

Chapter Twelve

*Here's Where We Are*

A black cat swiftly bounded along the stairs of the fire escape, stopping at an open window. Peering inside the unlit room, the cat rubbed its nose slightly with its paw before listening intently.

Dark, velvety ears twitching, the cat stayed a moment outside the window before finally entering, seeming to be satisfied with the noise, or lack thereof that had been detected from inside the room.

"Took you long enough," a voice called out to the cat, who had jumped onto the couch and was curling into a comfortable sleeping position.

The owner of the voice, a brown haired girl with glasses on, stepped over to the couch, and before she had reached it the cat had transformed itself into a short young woman.

"'Ay, Gyps, What's the matter with you?" The girl with glasses asked, poking her friend in the side.

"Go away, Jester," the girl on the couch replied swatting Jester's hand away defensively, "I'm just thinking…"

"Don't hurt yourself," Jester snickered, a smirk falling upon her features.

The silence that continued afterwards slowly scratched away her smile, and soon a look of puzzlement took its place; confusion over her friend's silence etched onto Jester's brow.

* * * * *

Jack rubbed his hands together, grinning mischievously at Spot, who held a newspaper clipping tight in his grasp.

"This it?" Jack asked, tilting his head slightly towards a tall office building.

Spot looked down at the paper in his hand and then back up at the building, "Yeah," he affirmed, "This is _definitely _it."

They shared a devious smirk and headed in the front doors.

* * * * *

The stygian triplets sat on a couch, pretending to be relaxed and calm as Azrael paced angrily before them.

"You say the girl has already met the Prophets?" He snapped, mid-step.

One of the three boys cleared his throat before answering with a shaky, "Yes…."

"The best course of action is to insure that our parcel is not found," Azrael muttered to himself, "And being that I can't even trust you enough to kill a _girl_, I'm left with no choice but to seek outside assistance in guarding our package."

He sighed heavily in annoyance and faced the boys, stating simply, "I'm going to have to summon the Golgothan."

* * * * *

Rufus sat on a park bench, idly picking pieces of fuzz off of a pair of pants and a shirt he had found in a nearby dumpster.

"It's amazing the shit people throw away," he remarked, flicking a large particle of dust off the shirt.

"I appreciate the loan," Rufus said to Mush, handing him his coat, "You can have this back."

Blink made a face at the coat, "Lucky you…." He muttered sarcastically.

Tori rolled her eyes, "Alright Rufus," she said, and his head perked up at the sound of his name, "How about you start explaining things to me."

"Like what?" 

"Like, for starters, who the hell are those kids that keep attacking me?" Tori questioned in an irritated tone.

"Ah," Rufus nodded knowingly, "Nasty little bastards called the Stygian Triplets."

"So they're brothers?" Blink asked casually, stretching his arms above his head.

"They're not really related," Rufus informed him, "When they were alive they were a trio of kids that snatched some little kid off the street and smashed its skull in. 'Just to see what it looked like,' I believe was their brilliant defense. They were killed in a car wreck on the way to the detention center."

Tori's face paled considerably as she envisioned the act described.

She gulped, "So they're dead too?"

"You'd be surprised at how many dead people are walking around – We're stubborn bastards," Rufus replied calmly, "Thing is, those kids are supposed to be in hell. Which means that someone wants you out of the picture so badly they're willing to summon demons."

"Is it those two angels I'm supposed to stop?" Tori asked.

"Couldn't be," Rufus told her thoughtfully, then added, "They're not evil – they're just stupid."

"Wait a minute," Blink cut in, waving his hands at Tori, "Are you going to listen to this shit? For all you know, he's in with those fucks! They both showed up at the same time."

Tori chewed her lip for a moment, before saying, "As much as I hate to say it, he," she gestured to Blink, "Has a point. How did you know where to find us?"

"You know what the dead do with most of their time?" Rufus asked rhetorically, "They watch the living. Especially in the shower."

Blink looked at Mush, "I can't wait to die."

Tori glanced back at Blink before turning to Rufus, "And why are you watching me?"

Rufus sighed, "Because you're the one who's going to help me get some changes made in that book you all hold so much stock in."

"And that would be….?" Tori prompted.

"The Bible."

She stared at him for a moment, waiting for him to laugh and to say the actual name of the book he was talking about. His placid face was enough to tell her that it was not a joke.

Her eyebrows narrowed in a skeptic expression. Leaning back into the bench she crossed her legs and drummed her fingers on her thighs. 

"What do you have against the Bible?"

An indignant look graced his dark features as his neck straightened considerably, holding his head higher as he scoffed at her.

"_I'm_ not in it."

* * * * *

She brushed her long light-brown hair one final time before turning away from the mirror, facing her companion.

"Smile!" She commanded lightly, shaking the hairbrush threateningly.

The other girl cracked a large showgirl grin and let a high pitched squeal escape her mouth.

"Okay…." The first girl said, shaking her head, "Not that smile."

She tugged a chin length strand of curly red hair.

"Just kidding."

"Thank _god_," the brown haired girl muttered.

Another red lock was pulled as she stuck out her tongue.

"Ugh, I don't want to think about the g-word…..thank someone else."

A pair of shoulders shrugged slightly, upsetting the flow of perfectly smooth chocolate hair.

"Can't…..don't know anyone else to thank…"

Green eyes crinkled at the corners in a smile and a mischievous fire lit up brightly behind them. 

"All out of ideas?"

Blue eyes matched the green and a mouth twitched into a very grimace-like smirk.

"Imagine that…."

AN: Wow……I did it……I finished this chapter and revamped the whole story in one night. So do me a favor, press that little review button and tell me your opinion of it! Really really truly anything is welcome, because I can't get any better if none of you tell me what I'm doing wrong! Though I won't say I don't love it when someone tells me they think my stories are funny……I just love that! I try to be funny at least…….hyuck…..oh, and don't worry if you're confused by the ending, it might make more sense if you know dogma, and it _will_ make sense by the next chapter or two……so yeaaaaah…..

Comments: 

Mondie: YOU FINALLY WERE PUT IN! Okay okay…..so I neglected to mention any names……..BUT THAT WAS STILL YOU!!!!! I'm so amazingly sorry that it took this many……err……months to update……I luffle you!

Falco: I finally did it! I finally wrote more! I really really really did it! Sorry you're not in this one, but I think you'll be in soon again!

Skittles: Of course I feel special! How could I not feel special?! Well…..here's more……finally…….eh heh……*ducks head in shame* 

Ali: HA! I bet you'd totally given up hope on me! Go on! Admit it! You did! Yeah well…….PPHHBBTTT!! *sticks out tongue* Just kidding! I wuv you!

Tiger: You are in it! Yay! I swear your name will come up eventually, lol……if not in the next chapter then the one after, I swear it, even if I have to write a 50 page chapter just to get to it!

Pyromaniacal Llama: You know what? You're RIGHT! No one updates anymore! Well…….for at least ONE day I am breaking the mold! So here is your update! Enjooooooooooooooooy!

Rumor: Yes! I have an explanation for everything! Well……sort of……My ending is really super twisted. I'm not even sure _how_ I'm going to make it all work, but I'll manage. I'm adding in more characters of the mythological sense, but they aren't somebody else's _or_ mine, they're just specific beings from mythology. See if you can guess which ones! Lol, I had to add them in to make all the other characters I'd added work……it's so sad……..I think that you'll sadly find some of the characters belong to their own subplot, so not everything has some amazing connection to a brilliantly thought out conspiracy web-like plot line……because I'm just not that skilled……but I hope you like it anyway! *cheeky grin* oh! And yes, chris rock is still rufus. *sigh* I love that movie……

Bess: Thanks you much, m'dearie!


	13. Meeting From Hell

AN: Yes, this is really a chapter…I swear… Ha ha, you can stop laughing at me now. I mean it…cut it out! Eh heh….just kidding of course…Anyway, I felt bad about not continuing this story and I kind of missed it, so here it is again! Hopefully more will be up soon, but of course I always say that…..so….we'll see. But I'm trying, I promise! And as always, comments are at the bottom! Also, I have a new story that's just a one-shot called "Broken" but I really like it, even if it is kind of (really really kind of) odd, but it would be much appreciated if maybe somebody out there in the big wide net could take a peak at it? So read and enjoy…and review…please?

Chapter Thirteen

*Meeting From Hell*

A large grin was plastered onto Pulitzer's face as he drummed his fingers lightly on his large desk. The extravagantly carved faces that had been fashioned on the legs of the desk gave lopsided grins to the people seated around the room.

"Have you all heard the news?" Pulitzer asked, excitement rushing through his voice.

The room tensed with anticipation and his waiting employees held their breaths.

"We absolutely demolished him!" Pulitzer said, pounding his fist on his desk for added momentum.

The office erupted with jovial cries that quickly stopped as Pulitzer continued.

"We're outselling Hearst like we've never outsold him before! The old man just doesn't know what to do with himself. In fact, I'm sure he-"

Pulitzer paused and quite noticeably sniffed the air.

"Do I smell…onions?" He asked, his brow furrowing.

His eyes, followed by the rest of his employees, drifted to the back of the room where to previously unnoticed guests were seated on a very expensive looking couch. They seemed not to notice that anyone was looking at them, and while one peered off into space looking bored, the other continued to carve something out of an onion.

Huffing slightly Pulitzer said, "I wasn't aware that we had any guests," he directed his words at his employees, "Which one of you are they with." 

The people in the room looked at each other expectantly, but no one came forward.

A frown settled onto Pulitzer's face.

"Excuse me, gentlemen," he began, "But _whom_ are you?"

The one with the onion, a young man with sandy blond hair, looked up with an annoyed look on his face, as if he had been interrupted in the middle of something important.

"Hmm?" Was his only response before he went back to his onion carving.

Pulitzer could feel his temperature rising, "What are you doing in my office?" He snapped coldly.

"This is the office for The World, correct?" The young man asked distractedly.

"Yes," Pulitzer replied curtly.

The man with the onion gave his friend a sidelong glance, "You may proceed, mon ami," he directed.

"I can't believe you Spot…"his friend mumbled under his breath before standing up.

He addressed Pulitzer.

"I just want to start off by apologizing. My friend here has a penchant toward the dramatic, so he's making me do this. Usually, I don't even involve myself in his affairs, but he hasn't done this in awhile, so he wants..."

"Just read them their rights already, Jack," Spot grumbled.

Jack sighed in annoyance. "You are Joseph Pulitzer and collective employees, the staff and owner of The World newspaper, the biggest paper in New York. Your papers are carried around this city by children who have no money, and probably will have no money for the rest of their lives. Yet you charge them almost more than they can possibly scrounge together for papers at your distribution offices, and you won't allow them to sell their papers back if they have any left over at the end of the day. You are in constant competition with William Randolph Hearst which result in price wars, which only benefit you because you spend almost as much as you earn, and yet they are always detrimental to the children. You-"

Pulitzer interrupted with a wave of his hand. "Is there a point to all this?" He asked in annoyance.

Jack's mouth tightened grimly. "You and your board are idolaters."

There was a moment of stunned silence before everyone except Spot and Jack were clutching their sides with laughter.

Spot's eye twitched slightly, and he stood up yelling, "Alright, Alright, SHUT UP ALREADY."

Silence penetrated the office and Spot, with a figure carved from onion in hand, slowly walked over to the desk where Pulitzer was seated.

Spot stared meaningfully around the room before looking at Pulitzer and gesturing to the onion figure.

"It's you," Spot said simply, setting the figure down on the table.

"Do you know much about voodoo?" he continued, "It's a fascinating practice. Close to Satanism, but not exactly. You see, there is no religion in voodoo, no doctrine, no faith. It's just an arrangement of superstitions really. But the most well known is the voodoo doll."

Spot sneezed loudly and paused, as if waiting for something. When silence greeted him he kept talking, "A representation of an individual is created and then subjected to various tortures, like poking it, or burning it. The desired effect is that the real individual experiences the same pain."

"Get security, NOW," Pulitzer announced to the room suddenly.

One of his employees made a dash for the door but Spot pulled a knife out from a pocket inside his coat, throwing at the door. It went straight through the lock, successfully barring anyone from escape. The employee grabbed the knife handle and proceeded to pull as hard as he could, but it remained in its place, completely unmoved.

Jack held up his hands, "Again, I apologize for my friends-"

"Just get on with it Jack," Spot growled out.

"Fine," Jack snapped back, "Basically," he spoke to the assembled persons in the room, "You are all guilty of worshipping something other than the lord: Money. Not only that, but not a single one of you passes for a decent human being."

"Like you, Mr. Stone," he spoke to the gray bearded man seated near him, "Last year you cheated on your wife of seventeen years, eight times. Twice with prostitutes. You even had sex with her best friend while you were supposed to be watching your children. In the bed you share with your wife, no less."

Spot nodded at Jack and he turned to the next employee, a trembling man with a bad comb over.

"And you Mr. Johnson," Jack said sadly, "You got your girlfriend drunk at a new years eve party last year and then paid a man to have sex with her while she was passed out, so you could break up with her guilt free when she sobbingly confessed the next morning. She committed suicide three months later. You even sent flowers to her wake."

Jack swallowed distastefully before speaking again.

"Mr. Wryer disowned his gay son; Mr. Turner paid a man to kill his mother so he could collect the profits of her life insurance, which he used to buy an Oriental rug; Mr. Giles went to the scummiest brothel in New York City because he knew that was the only place where he could pay to have sex with an eleven year old boy."

  
He stopped when he reached the only female employee in the room. "But you," he said, "You're an innocent. You've done nothing wrong. You've led a good life and have never abused your powers here."

She stared up at Jack and gulped, shaking slightly. Spot patted her on the back.

Turning to Pulitzer Jack spoke softly, "But you Mr. Pulitzer," he licked his lips, "You have more skeletons in your closet than this assembled company. I can't even mention them aloud."

He leaned over and whispered in Pulitzer's ear. Pulitzer's face turned ashen and he stared straight ahead of him, not meeting anyone's eyes.

"You're her FATHER, you sick fuck!" Spot called out.

Jack rolled his eyes. "Am I done now?"

Spot patted him on the shoulder, "Get outta here you crazy kid."

Jack quickly exited the room, pausing only to wrench the knife from the door. Everyone was too scared to move, much less race for the door, and Spot glared at them all menacingly.

"With the exception of Ms. Pryce," he said slowly, "There is not a decent human being among you. Do you know what makes a decent human being? Fear. And therein lies the problem. None of you has anything to fear anymore. You rest comfortably in seats of inscrutable power, hiding behind your false idol, far from judgement - lives shrouded in secrecy even from one another. But not from God."

Spot walked as if to exit the room, but right as he reached the door he paused, turning around.

"I forgot my voodoo doll," he explained, walking over to Pulitzer's desk. "You know, it really does look at you…Maybe, if I believe enough…"

He trailed off, waving his hand over the doll and moaning as if in tune with some tribal ritual. Pulitzer's terrified gaze shifted from Spot, to the doll, and back to Spot again. Spot's hand circled closer and closer until he let out a strangled yell and smashed the doll with a closed fist. Pulitzer winced and shut his eyes, clutching the edge of his desk as if bracing for impact. His eyes opened slowly as he realized that he was unharmed.

Spot laughed lightly, "I don't believe in voodoo," and he strode out of the room.

The assembled company breathed a sigh of relief that caught in their throats as the door quickly banged open again.

"But I do believe in this," Spot said as he entered the room again, whipping out his newly bought gun and taking out each member of the board including Pulitzer with a barrage of bullets, until he was left with only Ms. Pryce.

Looking around the blood stained room in horror Ms. Pryce began to shake violently. Spot walked over to her and reached out his hand to her with a kind expression on his face.

"It's okay," he said smiling gently at her, "You've done nothing wrong. They were bad men, but you are a pure soul."

He paused for a moment, and his expression hardened. Grabbing her collar he sneered at her, "But you didn't say 'God bless you' when I sneezed."

Spot placed the gun at her head and she squeezed her eyes tightly.

"SPOT!" Jack yelled from outside the room.

Grimacing, Spot lowered the gun and said apologetically, "Sorry, force of habit." Replacing the gun in his coat pocket he casually walked out of the room, leaving Ms. Pryce and the bloody massacre behind.

AN: Wahahahahahaha…come on…who _doesn't_ love Spot being evil? -snigger- Review por favor! It would make me very happy indeed. .;;

Comments:

Ali: I know this has been a very very long time since the last update…but….err….eh heh….you should still be proud of me! -sticks out tongue- actually, not really, not at all….I can't believe I took this long…wah…anyway, I love you MUCH dahlink and thank you so much for not already coming to bash in my head for taking so long on this.

rumor: psssst……want to know a secret? I don't even know what's going on with the girls! But shh…don't tell…-hides under desk as heavy objects are thrown- I know I know, but I couldn't resist adding in more mythological characters…I'll work it out….I hope…-crosses fingers-….anywho, thank you much for your review! I think that rhymed….-sigh-…

Pyromaniacal Llama: It's okay, I'm confused too. Really…I swear….That's more than slightly worrying, ne? Lol, thanks for your review! Sorry you're confused, mebbe sometime I'll actually become a good writer and you poor readers will know what I'm talking about?

Cards: That was the singularly most amazing and wonderful review I have ever gotten. –bows- You are my hero….

Bess3: Eh heh….yeah…..i would expect that most everyone has stopped checking to see if I updated…Ah well…I hope you at least like this chapter! And more will come, I swear it on my….on my……on my INTERNET CONNECTION! Oooo….big bet….


	14. The 13th Apostle

AN: HA! I said I would update again and I DID! 'nuff said…read and enjoy! (hopefully)…Shout outs at the bottom as always!

Chapter Fourteen

*The 13th Apostle*

Blink stared at Rufus, "Yeah, well, none of _us_ are in the Bible and you don't hear us bitching about it."

"Yeah, but I'm supposed to be in it!" Rufus cried indignantly, "I was the thirteenth apostle!"

"Not once in my life have I heard of any 'thirteenth apostle'," Tori pointed out.

"See?" Rufus started, "All of those other apostles were write boys. But me? I'm black, so bam, they leave me out as if I'm nothing. Nothing! But that's just a pet peeve of mine really, what I really want is to correct a major error that all you people are basing your faith in."

"And that would be…?" Tori asked sarcastically, waving her hand. 

"Jesus wasn't white, he was black," Rufus stated bluntly.

"Bullshit," Blink declared, "I've seen plenty of pictures of Jesus and he was on white-assed mother with blue eyes."

"That's what's particularly insulting," Rufus explained, "You see, when the church started to officially organize, they decided that Jesus being black was a detriment, so all renderings were ordered to be Eurocentric, even though the brother was just as black as me."

Tori thought for a moment. "If that's true," she said, "Then why was he written about while you were left out?"

"He's the son of GOD…" Rufus said slowly, "It's kind of hard to have the New Testament without him. You just fudge a few facts about his ethnicity and you've got a whole new white Jesus. Leaving me out was fine because there were twelve other apostles to choose from."

"I don't buy it," Mush spoke up suddenly.

"Yeah?" Rufus looked annoyed, "That's what the people of Antioch said when they stoned my ass."

Tori choked slightly, "You were martyred?"

"That's one way of putting it," Rufus replied, "Another way is to say that I got bludgeoned to shit by big ass rocks from a crowd full of cretins. See, Christ told us to "spread the word" and since he already had a nice following in Antioch I was sent there. Christ was a huge hit. They just loved hearing about his message there. Only problem was when I mentioned he was black. Then they turned on me and before I knew it they were stoning my ass."

"So did you go to heaven?" Tori asked.

"Hell yes. It was the least the brother could do after I followed his ass around Jerusalem for three years spreading his goddamn message. And while the message is really what counts, people should know that Jesus was black. And that's why I'm here, to help you on your mission in exchange for you helping me with my campaign."

Tori looked surprised, "How do you know about that?"

"Heaven's a pretty boring place, and anything that breaks the tedium is news. The unmaking of existence is what you might consider a great tedium-breaker. Besides, there isn't much I don't know about you."

Sniffing huffily Tori replied, "I find that hard to believe."

Rufus stared directly at her and spoke evenly, "When you were five you let the little boy in the apartment next to you pee on your hand."

Looking disgusted Blink asked aloud, "You let him do that?"

"Yeah…But I never told anyone about it…" Tori said quietly.

"Neither did he," Rufus said, "He died of tuberculosis two months later. Your exploits, no matter how inane, are well known in heaven. Probably in hell too."

Rubbing her temples Tori stood up and walked away, sitting with her back propped up against the side of a dingy looking building that was across the road from the park.

Looking intrigued Blink commanded Rufus, "Tell me something about me!"

"You masturbate more than anyone else on the planet," Rufus replied distractedly.

"Shit," Blink laughed, "Everyone knows that. Tell me something nobody else knows."

"You think about guys when you do it." Rufus got up and left to sit with Tori.

After a moment of stunned silence and a disgusted look from Mush, Blink blurted out, "Not all the time!"

* * * * *

"I'm sorry if I spooked you," Rufus said as he sat down next to Tori.

"I just feel," Tori drew in a breath, "violated, like somehow my life isn't mine anymore. After I died, and Metatron came, and this whole mission…And you know what the worse part is? Even if I succeed, I'm still dead. What if I don't even _like_ heaven?"

Rufus looked startled and seemed as if he was about to tell her something, but then reconsidered it. "Is that what Metatron told you?" he asked.

"Yes," Tori answered, slightly confused. Was there something Rufus wasn't sharing with her? She shook her head and continued, "It's just that…out of all the people or 'new angels' or whatever to give this mission too, why me? I'm nobody. I'm just a girl with no money who used to work as a seamstress in a factory before I….err…well, before I died…"

"You sound like Christ," he interjected, "He had the same reaction when he found out who he was, minus the seamstress angle. But, I'm sure you'll come to terms with what you have to do, just like he did."

"Who he was?" Asked Tori curiously, "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Can't say yet," Rufus sighed, "But the real question is: are you capable enough to carry the burden? It all rests on you."

"You know, two thirds of me is still certain this is all some sick twisted dream and I'll wake up tomorrow morning in my bed. Yesterday, I wasn't even sure if God existed. And now I'm up to my ass in Christian mythology."

"God hates it when it's referred to as mythology," Rufus cautioned her.

"Well," Tori grumbled, "Then let's ask the 'prophets' what we should call it instead."

She paused for a moment before looking up and realizing that the park bench, once occupied by Mush and Blink, was very empty.

Tori looked around with a concerned frown on her face, not seeing them anywhere. 

"Where did the two assholes go?"

AN: Lovely ending…..i know I know, stop glaring at me. Eh heh. Review pretty please with a big honkin' cherry on top!

Shout Outs (to my two AWESOME REVIEWERS!):

Cards: I. Love. You. There is absolutely nothing else to say. I friggin' LOVE YOU MAN! You have NO IDEA how much that review made me smile! -sigh- I MISS the good 'ole days. –sobs- -clings to Cards- Let's bring 'em back, ay? Or at least try…or….something….-wanders about aimlessly- anyway…..thank you so much for the review, it totally made my day! I missed getting awesome reviews from my fantabulous cards.

Falco: Hey there dahlink! Thanks mucho for the review! Waffles……mmmmmmm….I had one this morning! -bows to the god that is ego- 


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